Soul-sickness

The last few weeks worth of conversations in HOPE have been not only interesting but quite thought provoking.  We talked about those old-time feelings that return from time to time on our journey of lifestyle change. When we begin to feel unworthy, victimized, helpless, and resentful again, we can know we have slipped back into codependency, a condition also known as soul-sickness. Sandy calls it "notgoodenoughitis"!  I love that.  The good news is that it doesn't mean we are back to square one on lifestyle change. It simply means we need to use the tools we have learned to help us out of the dark, muddy, pit of codependency.  KT shared a story when one of her children was stuck in a deep mud pit.  Her husband grabbed their son and pulled him so hard to get him out, that he pulled the child right out of his tennis shoes which both remained buried deep in the mud.  What behaviors do you need to leave buried in the pit of codependency as you pull yourself out?  The tool for this week:  How do you get out of the deep dark pit of codependency?  How did you get there?  How can you miss the pit next time? 

Two weeks ago we talked about using others to create our happiness or stop our pain.  Many of us have waited for someone else to make us happy or waited so long for someone to stop the pain we were in. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim.  That beautifully wrapped gift of well-being is one that I give myself. I am totally responsible for it!  While it is true that if someone steps on my foot they are hurting me and therefore holds the power to stop the pain by getting of my foot, it is totally my pain and my responsibility to tell the person to get off my foot!  The tool for this week:  Draw a gift with a tag that says To: (your name) and From: (your name).  Now name the gift that you would like to give yourself.  We had some awesome answers to this one in group.  Oh what freedom comes when we realize that we are responsible for our own well-being!

Last week the nugget was titled "Perfection".  That word makes most of us squirm because either we are striving to achieve it or because we feel so far from it.  Striving for perfection leaves us in that "all or nothing" wasteland, and feeling far from perfection leaves us shaming ourselves for not being good enough.  It can also become an excuse to do nothing.  Perfection is impossible unless we reframe that word and think of it in a new way.  Perfection is accepting and loving who we are and accepting where we are today.  Nothing good comes from perfectionist behaviors and everything good comes from accepting and loving who I am.  Then and only then can I change where I am and have lasting lifestyle change.  The tool last week:  name a perfectionist behavior that you indulge in on your journey of lifestyle change. Define indulge.

This week we will chew on taking risks, and even being willing to fail, which is the very thing that will lead us out of perfectionism.  Should be interesting. Hope to see you on Tuesday or Thursday this week!      

A New Time for HOPE!

Happy Spring everybody!  I have some new and exciting news for the H.O.P.E Program.  We have decided to change the time for the Tuesday group from 10AM - 11AM to 12PM - 1PM.  We have met on Tuesdays at 10AM for 10 years, but for several reasons we are moving to the lunch time hour so some folks who work will now be able to join us over that hour.  Here is the H.O.P.E. schedule
beginning on April 16th: (This week we will meet at 10AM on Tuesday)

Tuesdays from 12PM - 1PM
Thursdays from 6PM - 7PM

The last several weeks we have had some deep and interesting conversation about trusting ourselves, empowering ourselves, getting our needs met and last week that led us into the topic of learning to appreciate ourselves.  Notice the theme of these last many weeks?  It's all about me!  All these nuggets are focused on me, myself and I! The only way to make lasting progress on the journey of lifestyle change is to remove my focus from others and return it to me. Notice I said "return" it.  Focusing on everyone elses needs to my own detriment is a learned behavior.  And for those of us on this journey, the cost can be very high. 

As we chewed over the topic of trusting ourselves, we realized that one of the most harmful things that has happened to us was that we came to believe that we could not trust ourselves.  Self-trust is a healing gift we can give ourselves.  How?  We learn it!  The tool on this week was to identify a place of shame in your life and then identify what compassion would say to that shame. 

The next week we talked about empowering ourselves.  Part of empowering ourselves is understanding what drives our behavior.  When we react to something, we are coming from a child place with little control over our emotions.  When we respond to something, we are coming from an adult place taking responsibility for our emotions and the need that they are pointing to.  The tool on this week was to define react and respond and share an experience where you reacted and one where you responded, and what you felt during both. 

The following week we talked about getting our needs met.  You can see the flow of the nuggets through these weeks.  We had a great discussion on how feelings identify a need.  Nothing more, nothing less, so we do not need to be afraid of feeling.  When we close our eyes to a need in our life, we close our arms to its fulfilment.  The tool on this week was to identify 3 feelings you've had throughout the week and then identify what the need is, then finally how to meet that need. 

Then last week we talked about learning to appreciate ourselves.  Although we have walked through most of our lives apologizing for ourselves - directly or indirectly and feeling that we were less valuable than others, believing that others are meant to be here and we are not.  It is time for that to stop!  We gave a copy of the nugget to each person last week and encouraged them to repeat these truths to themselves outloud. 
* We have a right and a responsibility to be here.
* We have a right and a responsibility to be ourselves.
*We are worthy and deserving.
The tool last week was to write how you feel about this sentence.  "I am the greatest thing that will ever happen to me" -Codependent No More.  Also, how can you validate yourself?

This week we will talk about what to do when those old-time feelings begin to creep back in. 

Enjoy your week. You truly are the smartest wowan I have ever known!  EVER!

    

Emotional Convalescence

We have had some awesome conversation over the last few weeks about emotional convalescence (healing from emotional pain that drives unhealthy behaviors) and learning to accept who we are, including a painful past, so that we can begin to change where we are.  We started two weeks ago by picking out the verbs or action words from the following quote to see what part we are responsible for in our own healing:

"Learn not to grow impatient with the slow healing process of time.  We need to discipline ourselves to recognize that there are many steps to be taken along the highway leading from sorrow (and shame)to renewed serenity (and peace) . . . We need to anticipate these stages in our emotional convalescence; unbearable pain, poignant grief, empty days, resistance to consolation, disinterestedness in life, gradually giving way . . . to the new weaving of a pattern of action and the acceptance of the irresistible challenge of life."  Joshua Loth Leibman

I just LOVE that quote!  So full of truthful nuggets for me to sink my teeth in to, or better yet, sink my thoughts in to!  Lifestyle change is a process.  It's a gradual process, a healing process, and a spiritual process - a journey rather than a destination.  It's in the  journey that we learn this new weaving of a pattern of action and the acceptance of the irresistible challenge of life.

Last week we continued the rich discussion on what it means to accept ourselves.  Many of us have stuffed and numbed our feelings for so long that we really aren't sure of who we are at all.  Valid point.  Many of us feel so much shame about ourselves that it impacts our behaviors in such unhealthy ways.  Another valid point!  We compared it to walking around in life wearing a pair of glasses that are the wrong prescription and has numerous smudges all over the lenses.  Of course both of these issues would affect my ability to interact with the world around me.  If the curb looked far away but was actually right in front of me, I would trip and probably fall.  My wrong prescription did not reflect reality.  That is exactly what happens to us when we believe things about ourselves that are not true (smudges and wrong prescriptions) and operate under wrong and unhealthy messages.  An example that we talked about is if I believe that I am unworthy of taking care of myself, then I will not eat well, rest well, make time for fitness or any other number of things.  The journey of lifestyle change is a wonderful way to become aware of some of these "smudges" and "wrong prescriptions" that have caused us to repeat unhealthy behaviors that do not serve us well.  The tool last week was to identify some of the smudges that are on your lenses and how that particular smudge impacts your behavior on your journey of lifestyle change.

This week we talked about taking care of ourselves; not an easy thing for most of us to do.  Again, what we believe about ourselves will certainly determine how, or if, we take care of ourselves.  We have to be connected to ourselves and our feelings to know what we need.  That leads to the tool for this week since the highlighted sentence and the tool are extremely connected.  List a few REAL needs that you have this week and a few MANUFACTURED needs that you have this week.  The following is an example
"I need some ice cream because I only got three hours sleep and I'm so exhausted = MANUFACTURED NEED.
"I need to rest now and will go to bed early tonight because I only got three hours sleep last night" =  REAL NEED.

Enjoy your weekend and I look forward to seeing you all next week.  And if I haven't told you lately, you truly are the smartest people I know!  Keep up the awesome work in group . . .
   

Thursday Night H.O.P.E. group returns!

I am excited to announce that we will be starting the H.O.P.E. Program's Thursday evening group on:

                        Thursday - February 14th from 6pm - 7pm

We have had many request for the Thursday evening group and I am thrilled that we are now able to offer it.  I would also like to make everyone aware of the fact that I will be having foot surgery in the beginning of March which will prevent me from facilitating H.O.P.E. for several weeks.  I am so happy to tell you that our own group member of many years, Sandy Welfare, has graciously agreed to facilitate during my absence.  Sandy is quite qualified as she has completed her Master's degree in Christian ministries with a minor in counseling.  Her years as a H.O.P.E. participant gives her a clear insight into the journey of lasting lifestyle change.  We are also still looking for the right person to fill the role of our H.O.P.E Therapist.  We will continue to interview applicants and will have the prospective thereapist sit in with us in group.  We are hopeful that we're getting close to finding just the right person!

This week we talked about the debilitating effects of shame in out lives and on our journey of lifestyle change.  When we operate out of a shame place in our life, it impacts every choice we make, and disrupts our ability to see things from a healthy perspective.  The message of shame never changes; it is "I am bad" or "I am unworthy".  Shame truly is mud to the soul!  We talked about learning to identify and name the shame in our lives.  Loving and accepting who we are will then enable us to change where we are.  The tool this week came out of our conversation about shame.

TOOL:
How can my shame be tied to my lack of motivation?  

Street Signs for the Journey

Hi everybody!  Well I'm back to blogging again and have decided to blog a little bit each week so that I can include the weekly tool for those who missed group and would like to have it.  This week we talked about goals. Goals simply give us direction in our lives and that is exactly what we are looking for in lifestyle change.  Direction.  Direction towards health and wellness and wholeness. As we think about our goals for the upcoming weeks and months, we can look for signs that will tell us if we are heading toward our goals.  When my goal was to go hiking and camping in Montana, I followed every single sign that pointed toward Glacier, Montana.  The signs that told me where I was and if  I was on the right path where extremely important.  It is the same with our journey of lifestyle change.  What are the signs that you're seeing on your journey?  What are the signs telling you about where you are on the path towards your goals? 

The new year stands before us, like a book waiting to be written.  We can help write that story by setting goals.

The tool: 
Write the title of each of the 12 chapters of your book.  You can be creative in naming these chapters and what they represent for the goals that will give direction to the next 12 months of your life.

I look forward to seeing each of you next week.  We will be talking about choices and honing our ability to recognize them. Have a great weekend! 

Change

Hi Everybody!  I hope you all had a good summer and, like me, I'm sure you are ready for some cooler weather.  It was a difficult summer for me as I have been healing from another deep loss in the death of my precious mother at the end of April.  Thank you again for all the love and support that you showered on me over the past couple of months. 

Change. 

That is the reason most folks show up here at H.O.P.E.  To change something.  Change is inevitable and can be very painful at times.  Change can also inspire excitement and anticipation.  The H.O.P.E program has experienced a great deal of change in the past several months as well.  We have lost two long-time and very committed group members, Gayle Hall and Eilene Sheppard, both having died within months of each other.  We have also lost our awesome and beloved therapist, Amy, to full-time work, which better served her family.  We will find another therapist that we all adore and who is well suited for our group.  We know this because we have found ourselves in that position before, where we wondered if we would ever find another therapist that was as well-suited for our program as she was. As most of you know, we ended up finding Amy, who we all just adored, after just such a change!

The best news about change, is that when one door closes, another one opens, or a window opens, or the roof comes off or we dig under the house to get in or .   .   .   .   .   .  Change always provides room for many opportunities, new personal growth, many lessons to learn and a different path on which to walk.  Part of the human experience is to experience change.  People die, husbands get transferred to new cities, children grow up and go to college and health issues arise.  While resistance to change is natural, I learned a few things about change in general when I experienced lifestyle change many years ago. This has served me well as I have recently experienced profound change personally and as the H.O.P.E. program has also experienced change.

* Resisting change seems to be a knee-jerk reaction.  It's natural, however once I realize that I am resisting and swimming upstream, I stop trying to control that which I cannot control and I let go and ride the current.
* Support is essential and necessary for me when I am in the midst of change, whether the change was my choice or not.
* Staying anchored to the Truth is super helpful to me.  In times of big change, I can get uncertain, anxious, and afraid.  This is when some of the "old and dysfunctional" tapes begin to play in my head.  If I challenge that racket with Truth, I win. Always.
*Life is messy and I don't need to know how to clean it up.  I do need to know how to take care of myself and I do need to know how to use my voice.  Both lessons I learned during times of change and both I will carry the rest of my life.
*Being intentional about staying in the moment or at least in the day! I have spent SO MUCH of my life either bemoaning the past or fearing the future. Change requires being in now.
*I must be willing to feel.  The more I stuff my emotions, the larger my body becomes.  I know that truth, so I must be willing to feel, and with change comes an assortment of feelings!


H.O.P.E. took a break for the summer and we are about ready to start H.O.P.E. for fall and winter 2012. Following is our upcoming schedule.  Welcome to the new folks.  Welcome to the longtime group members.  You are in for some good, challenging and thought provoking curriculum.  I am looking forward to experiencing change, lifestyle change, with each one of you.  God bless you and I will see you soon!

September 18th and September 25th -  FREE H.O.P.E. Open House will meet on both of these Tuesdays from 10:00am - 11am in the Large Conference room.  It will be an open house for all the new folks that are interested and for the regulars to get back into group spirit.  We will have a group ice breaker and a time of sharing H.O.P.E.'s goals and objectives. For the new folks, you will have an opportunity to see what it is that we do here in H.O.P.E.  Some of you regular H.O.P.E. attenders will be awesome at sharing your experience with new folks.  I think you all will enjoy what we have planned on these two Tuesdays whether you are new and just checking us out or if you are a regular longtime group member!

October 2nd thru the end of 2012 - H.O.P.E. will officially start back after summer hiatus and will run every Tuesday from 10am - 11am until the end of this year.

Welcome Back!

OK, so I fell out of the habit of blogging every week, and the next thing you know it's been a month!  I'm back!  First, I would like to invite all H.O.P.E. participants who can stay after group tomorrow and join us for lunch, please plan to do so.  We will not meet again until next year! 


I would like to spend this time expressing my gratitude for the H.O.P.E. program participants who so courageously and openly share themselves, week after week, accomplishing the work of lifestyle change.  I am so proud of each and every one of you, and commend you for your honesty, committment, perseverence and love and respect for each other.  I learn from you every week.  You inspire me to keep putting one foot in front of the other when I am struggling.  You come to group not only to receive, but to give all that you have.  Yourselves.  Thank you.  You ARE the H.O.P.E. program and all that it entails.  You are the best, the brightest, the hardest working, the most beautiful and the joy of my heart. 


To the smartest people I know, may the joy of Jesus, the Christ, invade your hearts this season, and may you experience personally, a life changing relationship with the One who would come as a little baby on a cold morning in a country far away to bring HOPE to a dark world.  God bless you all and Merry Christmas. 

Foundation up!

I learned the hard way a long time ago that the foundation of anything is a pretty important part of it.  I was probably 12 years old and I had been to a week long day camp and just adored one of the counselors who had been very kind to me when some of the kids were mean about my weight.  She truly made such a difference in my life with her kindness and the daily encouraging words she offered to me.  So at the end of the week, it was decided that we would get together the following weekend and have a little farewell party.   I decided that I would build her a very special wishing well made out of popsicle sticks.  I worked all week on that thing and truly, it was the coolest thing ever.  It even had a little bucket you could lower down into the well as if to get water.  I just loved that thing, however, upon my first good look at it, I found it to be as crooked as my dog's back leg.  The only way to remedy my crooked little popsicle wishing well was to remove the pieces all the way back to where the crookedness began.  And yep. . . it was all the way back at the foundation of the piece.  Aarrgggggg!! 

Boy is that an important foundational truth in life.  If you build a house on a crooked foundation, the house will lean to the right or left causing a multitude of problems.  Likewise, if you build your thought life on top of an untrue body of beliefs, then your behavior will be crooked (or unhealthy).  For that reason, it is incredibly important that we make sure our foundation is healthy.

*NOTE:  Be prepared for the lamest segway ever. . .

Speaking of healthy foundations, what's more foundational than our feet?  With the arrival of Fall and this awesome cool weather, it's a perfect time to get out and walk.  Our H.O.P.E. participants, and especially our friends who have not come in awhile, are all invited to:

"H.O.P.E. Day" at Omega Sports with Adison Edwards presenting "How fun are my feet?"
November 9th any time between 11am - 2pm. located in the Park Road Shopping Center
4271-B Park Road
Charlotte, NC, 28209
704-521-8504 

We will also be educated with gait analysis and evaluations and the best part . . . . each of us will get a nice discount on whatever we purchase from the store!  An added bonus for those who choose not to purchase anything on that day, a certificate will be given with the name, size, color and style of the shoes so that it may be purchased as a Christmas present by a loved one!  Discount included!! 

We already have about 10 coming.  It will be a great opportunity to connect and reconnect with each other while learning about the importance of treating our feet kindly.   See you in group Tuesday!

Attic Sale

I decided a few months back that I was going to clean out my house and have an attic sale.  In fact, my new mantra for the past several months has been "I've decided I'm living light!"  I have been cleaning out closets and going through drawers and pulling stuff out of the storage room.  More stuff piled on top of more stuff.  My home literally feels 300 pounds lighter.  I can breathe in it again.  I can move in it again.  Most of all, I can live in it again.  Why didn't I do this years ago? 


The more I dig through the layers of my life, the more I realize that I keep much of the same junk stored up inside of me.  Years of untruthful messages on top of years of shame piled on the years of doubt, fear and insecurities.  Just as my house felt so heavy and weighted down with junk, so my life feels the same.  I believe my weight represents the layers of all this stuff I hold on to.  I have decided to have an internal attic sale.  It is time for me to begin to take out one layer at a time and toss it if it is not truthful, helpful or promoting health and wellness in my life.  I am ready to clean out the internal layers that keep me so weighted down. 

I challenge you to look in the closets and drawers and storage rooms of your own life and see if there is some stuff that can be tossed.  What a difference it can make and there's one thing I am sure of today. . .  .  I don't want it weighing me down any more!


Have a great week end!

Doing things different . . . . or differently

As many of you know, I have been given the gift of Neuropathy in both legs and feet.  Acupuncture has been  incredibly helpful for the severe burning pain, unfortunately insurance does not cover it, so I use it very sparingly due to my budget.  I was researching some things that the Neurologist and Pain Specialist both suggested that would help slow down the advancement of this disease.  One is to take lots of Thiamine and the other is to give up on the idea I can do the kind of walking I did before.  Walking accelerates more nerve damage in my feet and legs.  Also, with the numbness, I tend to trip and fall more than usual.  So I was whining to my friend and officemate Sabrina, about having a hard time letting go of walking.  I continued griping about how much I really wanted to walk 6 miles again or even do another marathon at some point.  I was ready for a big pity party and ready for Sabrina to pet me and tell me how sorry she was about my plight.  NOT! 

She said a few things that just hit me right between the eyes.  So matter of factly she said to me "Well I've never known anyone who could figure this out better than you can.  It's a great chance for you to do it different. . . . or differently!  How cool is that!  Maybe bike riding will be your new thing."  Uhmm, thanks Brina, I think.  She was absolutely right.  I do have an opportunity to try something new, and get better and better at it.  She was also right, that everything I needed was already in me, given to me by my Creator.  I could figure it out.  I could find some new thing to do for fitness.  When I step out, God will provide exactly what I need.  He always does.  Of course I knew all of this, but in my moments of not accepting what has been allowed in my life, I just forgot it for a minute.  In my moments of fighting reality, I was temporarily blinded by all that I could not do.  I had forgotten a monumental truth. . . . obstacles are just challenges, not prisons!

So it is with lifestyle change.  Floundering in my denial of reality will simply not move me into a healthier place.  Resisting what has been allowed into my space will not make it go away.  And finally, wallowing with shame blinds me from health and possibility in my life.  When we choose to step out, to walk in something different and new, to think differently, to behave differently, to learn differently and to experience feelings differently, we can know with full confidence, that God will provide exactly what we need, right when we need it.  What an encouraging truth!

Have a wonderful Labor Day week end and I'll see you all Tuesday.

Who defines me?

One of the greatest "a-ha" moments I have ever had was the fact that I am the one who gets to define me.  I am the one who gets to define my truth!  I get to decide what I think beauty is and I get to determine what I think makes me successful.  I also get to decide whether I keep listening to what others say I am, or what the media says is beautiful or what society claims to be success.  Oh my gosh!!  What doors that truth opened for me!  It allowed me to stop listening to the voices of others who don't know me, the voices of those who may not be safe or care about my welfare and especially stop listening to the voices (racket) in my own head about my constant and utter deficiencies in every area.  Finally, I get to choose what defines me WITHOUT shame to smear the truth.

For me, beauty is found in strength of charater.  For me, success is found in the ability to keep going, to persevere when the going is tough beyond measure.  For me, one truth I learned and live by now is that shame smears and rots everything it touches.  Conviction is healthy.  That's what lets us know we owe an apology or need to right a wrong we have done.  Shame is unhealthy, it crushes everything it touches.  It never promotes life and it is NOT truth.  Anything we can do to challenge it is worth doing.  I personally have decided that my truth is based on what the Living God says to me through His Word, and that is a woman without condemnation, growing in truth and light and love.  I am now willing to fight desparately to weed out what is not truth and I get to choose that, nobody else, yippee!.  If I don't weed it out, then my behavior will reflect what I am allowing to define me and more importantly, who I am allowing to define me.

Have you thought lately about what defines you? Have you given consideration to who defines your truth?  What voices are motivating your behaviors? Here's your hint for the week . . .you have to be looking inward, not outward, to begin the defining process.  Second hint for the week . . .you get to choose what backdrop of Truth you will believe! 

And please remember this - nobody can define you, better than YOU can! 

Slow and Easy

My sister and I were chatting it up on the cell phones when I began bemoaning the fact that I had gained over 40 pounds after our brother's death and I seemed to be stuck and not able to get it off again as easy as I had hoped.  She began telling me about a book she was reading.  It was about change, and why so many people simply cannot change the long ingrained habits that they have in their life.  Of course my ears perked up when I hear something like that!  Sounds like H.O.P.E. stuff to me. She read a sentence out of the book that she said reminded her of what my journey to loose over 200 pounds looked like from her perspective.  She also went on to say that you need to remember that this is what served you so well before, and this is what can serve you well again.

"You have to begin to believe, really believe, the power of small change to make a big difference in your life.  Small change, one at a time, slow and steady, gentle and easy make change a constant in your life.  You are not redefining yourselves, you are refining yourselves, slow and easy"

What can I say, she right!!  Slow and easy, one change at a time.  I DO remember that from before.  Funny how we have to be reminded every now and again of things we already know.  Have a great weekend!

Back in action . . .

First let me say thank you!  Thank you to all of you who sent emails to see where the heck I had disappeared!  I apologize for my extended absense without explanation, but several things occurred at the same time.  Travel, health challenges that are now resolved and family stuff that took my full priority for several weeks.  I truly appreciate the fact that I was missed in action. . .but I am back now and hope to stay in action for the rest of the summer and the rest of the year for that matter! 

I was recently cleaning out some files in my desk at work and found a two page document of nothing but quotes from participants who had attended H.O.P.E. in 2009.  The wealth of knowledge and insights were just incredible.  Now I have hard proof that ya'll are the smartest people I know!!  I wanted to share just a few of these quotes I found and ask you to select the one that really resonates with you right now on your journey of lifestyle change.  Would you please share a few sentences on how someone else's insight rings true for you on your journey? 

*  I can't know the truth until I call the lie out.

*  It's hard to choose to see myself differently.

*  I can be afraid and safe at the same time.  I can be safe, and still feel afraid.

*  It's like Whack-a-Mole trying to stop all the negative thoughts.

*  I'm like a chameleon, changing to match whoever I'm with.

There is such a wealth of information all around us in the H.O.P.E. group ladies and you are what makes it rich!  Have a great week and I'll see you soon!

It's all in your point of view

I was all prepared to blog about balance until I walked in to the Y and had a funny experience.  I was walking past the access desk where people scan their cards to get in here when the line was held up by this man.  He had three kids with him and one little girl was peeking over the counter at me and said rather loudly, "I'm six and a half", and I was focused on something else and didn't answer her quick enough.  She said it louder at me the second time, "I'm six and a half" so I quickly answered her, "Is that right, six and a half?  When will you be seven?" and she answered a little aggrevated at my limited knowledge "On my seventh birthday!"  Duh.  Well alrighty then.  So I shared this story with a fellow Y employee and she told me that her daughter, who is six, begged for a puppy and her Daddy said no, not until you are seven.  She said how about six and a half and her Daddy said no again.   She said how about 6 and 3 quarters and her Dad finally conceded and said "OK Heidi, when you're six and three quarters, you can have a puppy."  She ran upstairs and in a few minutes came shrieking down the stairs just screaming.  "Daddy, Daddy, I'm six and three quarters" she shouted just as serious as she could be with her little hand stretched out with three silver quarters in it.  It's all in your point of view! 

While these are really cute stories about kids, it's the same with we adults.  We all have a point of view.  In fact, I looked up the definition of "point of view" and found it quite interesting.  American Heritage Dictionary states the following:

   1. The place from which, or way in which, something is viewed or considered;

   2. a mental attitude, belief or opinion

Heidi had always heard age referenced with three quarters.  She had no idea that it meant length of time, not currency.  One of the things that is most important on this journey of lifestyle change is to be able to identify your viewpoint.  Most folks had no idea they were eating out of an emotional place or that their behavior was motivated by shame.  Again, point of view!  According to the definition above, changing your point of view would be changing your belief.  I had a pretty warped point of view when I first embarked on this journey and as I began to be able to identify the "racket" or warped viewpoints and I began to see a different and much healthier point of view emerging.  The truth is what illuminates the distortion.  Once I could see truth, it was much easier to see non-truth! 

Have a great weekend ladies!

Vacation Mania!

First, let me take a minute to thank KT for leading group on Tuesday.  I've heard nothing but praises from group members about KT's ability as a facilitator and it just continues to prove my point. . .you ARE the smartest people I know!!  Thank you KT for pinch hitting while I enjoyed Memorial Day with my family in Virginia, and thank you group for doing what you do best!  Also, this Tuesday will be the first day for the new therapist named Amy Barrett.  Please come and let her also see what you do best, which is connecting with yourself and sharing your own story!


Vacations can be one of the most challenging times for me on this journey of lifestyle change!  It seems that every time I cross the Mecklenburg County line, something happens to me internally.  What is that?? What is it that really happens inside that makes me feel like I have a license to eat whatever I want and however much of it I can pack in?!  I have spent more time than I want to admit pondering this phenomenon.  The one thing I know to be true, is that I am not alone in this.  Here are the questions I have pondered in great depth, and I would like to ask if you would be willing to chew on this with me by answering the following questions. (Pardoning the pun!)

         *Is it a barrier to lifestyle change or is it a reprieve from lifestyle change?

          *Why do I feel this way so strongly?

          *Could it possibly be coming from a healthy place or is that wishful thinking?

          *Can I eat whatever I like while on vacation and still maintain my journey of lifestyle change?

With summer upon us, it is time for some honest reflection.  Have a great weekend!

Signs

We have all been just sickened by the BP oil explosion, the loss of life and continued gushing of oil into the ocean.  The more the events unfold and information becomes available, the more we just shake our heads in disbelief.  There were warning signs before the explosion!  Several of them, we are finding out now.  Why didn't anyone listen to them??  Policies and procedures in place to prevent this from occurring.  What happened??  Greed, gluttony, excess, dollar signs. And it seems like the only thing that is motivating their behavior to find a way to stop the gushing oil are all the negative consequences.  Negative consequences??  That's the understatement of the century.  We will not fully understand the impact of this disaster until years, even decades from now.  The impact will be felt by the families of those who died, the people who make their living on the ocean, the birds and mammals, the economy, the ocean, the marine life, the beaches, the food we eat and it goes on and on.  Their deepest concern seems to be the financial consequences.  Boy does that seem to motivate change!

While BP did not deliberately cause this disaster,  they did ignore several signs that were bearing witness to the destruction to come.  Taking action when these signs first came to light might have averted this tragedy.  Also, had they followed ALL policies and procedures, it may have chnged the course of events. 

All of this sounds very familiar to me. . .uhm . . .about me!  I continued to eat, and eat and eat until I was over 400 pounds.  I induldged in excess and wanted more and more and could not satisfy my emotional hunger.  I ignored all the warning signs that my body was sending.  It took a full on health crisis for me to stop and think about what I was doing.  And the consequences for me were great.  Surgeries, medications, financial devastation and the list goes on.  I also may not know the extent of damage my prior lifestyle cost me for years to come.  Who knows, it may have shortened my life by years!  Why didn't I listen to the warnings signs.  That what the scale kept screaming at me but I choose not to even get on one for many years.  High blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, high cholestorol. . .all warning signs that we need to take action to avert a health disaster.  What motivates us into action?  It's different for all of us.  My deepest prayer for each one of us is that we take action before the consequences get too great.

Have a great weekend ladies, and take some small action toward lifestyle change.  You are worth the effort!

Shifting ground

Well as most of you know by now, we are changing some things around with the H.O.P.E. Program for the summer.  Our current thereapist Kimmie will no longer be with us after May 27th.  Please make sure and thank Kimmie for her contribution to our program while she was with us.  We will have another therapist named Amy beginning on June 8th and will be with us throught the summer.  We have decided to end the Thursday evening group after May 27th for the summer and will make a decision about starting it back in the Fall.  Also, as of this moment, I have decided to cancel the surgeries I was scehduled for in June and leave the option open to reschedule for a later date if I feel it's necessary.  The pain in my feet from the Neuropathy is much better.  In fact, I walked 3 miles yesterday and feel great today and plan on walking 3 more miles today.  I did have acupunture for pain and feel like it had a profound impact on the pain I was experiencing.  I am most, most grateful to the Lord for the relief! 

With all these changes, it can certainly feel like walking on shifting ground.  I have felt that way many times in the past several months.  What I have made a decision not to do every single time I feel like I am stumbling is to shove lots of unhealthy food down my mouth.  I made a decision to go back to the gym right in the middle of all this shifting .  I also made a decision to start a new group exercise class.  I have also talked about it with close friends.  Every now and then, not nearly as often as I used to, I will make a choice to sit and eat out of an emotional place.  It does not change the shifting, but at least I know that I know that now.  Took a long time to get there!  Thank you all for your support during this time of more transition, and for reminding me that the Anchor holds, even in the times of great movement.  My Anchor is the Truth, which is the Word of God and what that tells me about me!  It's a great reminder to us all that we can rely on the Truth, during the stable and unstable times, and that the racket never holds us or serves us well!

Have a great weekend!

She's back!

And boy am I GLAD to be back!   Now I had a wonderful time, and saw so many things I never imagined my eyes would see, but there is no place like home!  And not many who love me like that big black dog of mine!  Let me apologize to all of you who took the time to check the other blog set up for Israel, but we could not get it to work at all, and I even had several folks who were far more adept than I look at it to no avail.  I look forward to sharing some stories and pictures with you in person instead.

Israel is a beautiful country, and for me personally to walk around where Jesus lived, was crucified and resurrected was such a spiritual highlight that is hard to articulate.  The things I saw just made the Bible come alive to me.  I also got baptized in the Jordan River on my birthday.  That was very cool.  One of the most fun things I did was ride a camel.  I just wish you guys could have seen me clinging for dear life when that beast got up from a sitting position.  They get up in stages so you either fall forward and lean way back, and I mean WAY forward and WAY back!  The other really fun thing I did was float in the Dead Sea.  As heavy as I am, I just floated right on top of the water the whole time I was in it!  That was the most freaky feeling, not being able to get down into the water.  Also, it feels very silky on your skin until you wash all the salt off.  If you don't wash, you turn a bright white.  We also went to one of the seven wonders of the world which is called Petra in Jordan.  That was the most beautiful and mind boggling place I have ever seen.  What a hike that was!  The last day, I stood on Mt. Nebo which is also in Jordan and overlooked the promised land just as Moses saw it thousands of years ago. 

It was just an amazing, once in a lifetime trip, but that's not all it was.  It was also a tremendous reminder to me of the whole reason I ever wanted to loose weight and change my life in the first place.  I was so tired of watching life from the sidelines and not being engaged in life whatsoever.  This trip reminded me once again, that the hard work and effort I have put in allowed me to walk, hike, ride a camel, float in a salt sea and fly in an airplane without a seatbelt extension.  I am actually engaging in life in every way, without allowing fear or shame or doubt or anything to stop me, and that is exactly what I wanted so bad in the beginning of my lifestyle change.  I hope you are doing the same or working toward it!

Enjoy the weekend!

Satisfying my wander lust

It has been an incredibly harrowing and stressful this past week and a half!  In that time my mother almost, well, let's just say she became extremely sick and was in ICU for a week and a day, then has been moved to a regular room where she is as I write this.  She is expected to leave the hospital tomorrow to go to Rehab for a couple of weeks.  She has what the Dr. calls global weakness, the aftermath of such serious illness.  The other pressing issue this past week has been whether to go on my long planned trip to Israel or to cancel it.  After deciding not to go several times, we all decided as a family that I should go after my mother turned the corner on Friday.  Between a very sick Mom and long hospital stays and the on and off again trip, I was just about to crack on Thursday and Friday.  By Saturday the clouds moved out, the sun appeared and all is right with the world again.  Mmmm  Not!  But after much prayer and family conversation, we have all decided, including me, that I will go tomorrow on my trip to several countries, including Israel.  I have set up another blog so that my family and friends can check in on me and see pictures and hear what I've been up to.  Here is that address.  http://www.wheregodsfeettrod.blogspot.com/
Just go to that website anytime you like and I should be updating it every day or so with pictues and adventures.   

I will miss you ladies deeply.  I know you will use your time in group well until I return.  God bless each and every one of you.  I love you all and remember. . . You are the SMARTEST people I know!!  Without any doubt!!

I wanna be an eagle

As many of you know, I am in the midst of a couple of life's storms.  My mother is in ICU extremely sick and I am scheduled for several neurosurgeries.  I happened to catch this show on Animal Planet a few days ago.  It was about eagles and I found it just fascinating.  When an eagle sees a huge, dangerous lightening storm approaching from far away, he takes to the air.  He flies directly toward the storm and keeps flying until he can harldy keep even and upright, continuing toward the storm.  Right when he hits the edge of the storm, the updraft grabs him and sends him sailing straight up until he reaches the top of the storm and flies over it.  He is then in the beautiful sunshine, looking down on the storm, flying without any trouble at all.  It was one of the coolest things to see the updraft sling him up and over the storm, where he is still quite aware of the storm below him, and must still negotiate the storm until it passes, but he is not being pummeled by the winds and rain and lightening.  If the eagle did not take the updraft up and over the storm, the winds would likely injure or even kill him.  When the storm passes, he begins to fly back down to the altitude and terrain he knows. 

The question I have for you this week is the following:

How does this story relate to our journey of lifestyle change?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this, since all of us will experience storms in life. I want to be an eagle who rides the updraft of my faith up and above the storms of my life.  And maybe that was the thought of the author of this verse;

           But those who wait upon the LORD shall renew their    
               strength;
               They will mount up with wings like eagles. 
               They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not
               faint.               Isaiah 40:31