Friday, March 26, 2010

New Life, New Passion

Spring is in the air in a big way.  The beautiful fragrant flowers and blossoming trees represent new life, coming alive after being like dead or dormant.  We are getting ready to celebrate Resurrection Sunday, Easter, and the new life available to us all through Jesus who was dead, and then rose again to new life. 

Boy is that a perfect word picture for our journey of lifestyle change.  I lived in my house, secluded, sitting on my couch watching life happen through a TV screen.  I did not participate in life whatsoever. . .intentionally.  I was unengaged with people and with life and most of all, with myself.  Then spring came!!  Then I began to awaken, I began to get connected with myself, I began to feel, I began to live and I began to engage with others, I began to allow healing, I began to live!!!  New life, new passion for life.  That is what lifestyle change has been for me.  New passion for a healthy and whole life!

Are you stuck in that dormant place of lifestyle change where there are no changes, no new life, no passion?  Maybe you are ready for change, and just gearing up for new life.  Have you found new life and in turn found your passion?  This journey of lifestyle change is filled with wonderful and challenging turns all along the way, but what it always brings is NEW LIFE!  That's why it is worth the search and the hard work, because it brings NEW LIFE.  And not just new life, but beautiful, fragrant, blossoming new life!  That's the best news of all ladies!

Enjoy your weekend.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Which comes first. . .

The chicken or the egg?  I have heard this conversation end up going in complete circles.  It reminds me of the great conversation we had in group on Tuesday but we didn't have a lot of time to really flush it all out.  I asked the following question. 

"Can you have compassion on yourself now, and not have compassion on yourself then?" 

I got two immediate answers. "Yes!" and "No!"  There are two words that I think are important to define as we begin to tackle this question.  The first one is "compassion" and the second word is "then". 

What does 'compassion' mean to you?  What does it mean in terms of how you treat yourself. . . behaviorally?  Just what exactly does compassion look like, and again I mean as far as your behavior towards yourself?  What would compassion say to you on your journey of lifestyle change now?

What does 'then' mean to you?  Does then refer to yesterday and your unhealthy eating behaviors?  Could then refer to your childhood and the coping mechanisms you learned as a child and have carried into your adulthood?  What does the behavior of compassion look like on yourself then? 

I think it is an interesting question to consider, ponder and to chew on.  What you believe about this question WILL impact your journey of lifestyle change, either in a healthy way . . . or in an unhealthy way.  Please, continue the conversation ladies.  Afterall, you ARE the smartest people I know!

I would like to end on a note of gratitude.  I could not be more grateful for the wonderful therapist that God has provided for our group.  Kimmie is already fitting in so well and has some insightful things to say that will continue to encourage and challenge us.  Thank you Kimmie for agreeing to use your gifts and talents in the midst of our H.O.P.E. Program.

Friday, March 12, 2010

OK, So I Did What I Didn't Want To Do. . .Now What?. .

I'd like to thank all of you for your cards, phone calls and well wishes!  As many of you know, the procedure did not go as expected.  It was WORSE than expected!  And on top of that, it was not effective.  The Dr. could not get the stimulator in the right position in order for me to determine if I could get any pain relief.  Instead of my feet buzzing like the stimulator was supposed to do, my ribs and waist line were buzzing.  The next step is to go to the Neurosurgeon and he will knock me out (Hallelujah!!) and go in and get rid of the adhesions that blocked the Dr. the first time around.  That will be most likely some time in April or May at the latest.  I'll keep you all posted, but in the meantime, I am healing up and feel much better  Thank you all for your encouragement and support!.

I got a phone call from an old friend, who has lost a considerable amount of weight.  She wants to begin the hard work of peeling back the layers in order to relearn some messages that have not served her well in her life!  She said something that really stuck out to me.  She said "I am ready to open myself up and expose my vulnerabilities in order to search for the answers." 

Now that is a comment from someone who is serious about lifestyle change.  Willingness.  That is the word of the day, no, let's make that the word of the entire journey!!  Willingness.  I am fully convinced that when I am willing, . . .  willing to ask the hard questions, willing to look at myself, willing to get connected again and to feel, and willing to define my own truth, an open and authentic life will follow! 

Are you willing this week?  Have a wonderful weekend ladies!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Doing What I Don't Want To Do!!

As many of you know I am having surgery on Monday to put in a trial spinal cord stimulator to block the pain caused by Neuropathy in both legs.  The thought of being able to smother the blow torches that reside in my legs and feet with substantial pain relief sounds like pure heaven to me!  Walking to the bathroom in the morning without waddling like a duck would also be a pretty cool perk.  Another incredibly appealing thing about the upcoming pain relief is that I can finally get back to some beautiful, long walks with my dog.  Did I say long??  I can also finally begin training for another half marathon which I have been unable to do for quite some time.. One of my favorite things in the world is hiking the Boone Fork Trail outside of Blowing Rock, and I would be able to get back up on the mountain and hike my little heart out!!  All of this is GREAT!  Really great!!!  So what's the problem you ask?

Well, the problem is, I don't WANT to go through the surgery.  I have to be awake for it.  No anesthesia!  None, nada, zip, zero as my 9 year old nephew would say as quickly as he can get the words out!  Now of course there is a valid reason for no anesthesia, but I don't care!!  I do not want to be awake for this surgery!!  If I am not awake however, then the Dr. will have no way of knowing where the pain is being blocked.  In other words, I can direct the Dr. where to put the leads by telling him whether the pain is being blocked or not.  The TOTAL effectiveness of this spinal cord stimulator DEPENDS on MY feedback to the Dr. DURING the operation!  Wow!!  Did you catch that?  The total effectiveness of this spinal cord stimulator depends on my feedback to the Dt. during the operation!  Let's re-word this sentence for just a minute. . .
The TOTAL effectiveness of my journey of lifestyle change DEPENDS on MY feedback to MYSELF DURING the journey! 

Just like the upcoming surgery, I simply have to be PRESENT

I CAN still exercise even if I don't want to!
I CAN eat healthier choices even when I WANT ice cream instead!
I CAN learn to be PRESENT in my own life, concerning my own feelings and regarding my own needs!

If I choose to do all these things, then I will see the goals of lifestyle change realized!  I will walk the dog, I will climb the mountain, I will loose the extra body weight, I will wear a smaller size clothing, I will train for the half marathon, I will. . . .  .   .    .     .      .       .         . (Put whatever you like right here!)

There is no greater way to get connected to one's self than by being present in one's life!.  Have a great week folks!