Friday, December 12, 2014

New Year New Outlook


Great new changes for 2015!!  This is what we can look forward to:

-          HOPE will no longer be on Tuesday’s starting January we will meet on Wednesday’s from 12:00 – 1:00.  We also have Thursday as well 6:00 – 7:00 pm.
-          We are adding an additional hour called HOPE Lifestyle.  Just like it sounds all the tools to help with lifestyle change, fitness, food and nutrition.   Lifestyle will follow HOPE group on Wednesday’s from 1:00-2:00 pm in the conference room.
-          Starting January 1st dues will be on auto withdrawal per the YMCA’s programming policies.  For the first time in 13 years the dues will increase.  It will be $30.00 a month for members and $60.00 a month for non-members.  This fee includes any and all attendances of HOPE and HOPE Lifestyle.
-          As always we welcome past participants and new comers to our group.  We have a lot of exciting things happening at HOPE.

Let me take this opportunity to introduce you to Christiane Matey who will be leading out HOPE Lifestyle program.  Some of you may have already had the pleasure to get to know her.  But, for those of you who have not, I strongly encourage you to meet this wonderful blessing that fell on our lap.  Here is a something to whet you whistle until you can experience some of her genuine warmness, compassion for others and her incredible talent regarding food and nutrition for yourself;
Julie: I understand you too have struggled with emotional overeating and obesity.  Tell me a bit about that.
Christiane: I started to overeat emotionally after several traumatic events happened when I was 8.  I always loved food but it became unhealthy at that time.  I didn’t realize I had an issue until I stepped on the scales at 12 and discovered I was 220 pounds and a size 18.  I went on Weight Watchers with my Aunt and lost 140 pounds.  That began my roller coaster ride of emotional over eating.  I would lose 40 pounds then gain 60 pounds and on and on. 
Julie:  What finally turned things around for you?
Christiane: I got tired of the ride.  I went to therapy and a nutritionist who set me on the right path and taught me lifestyle change.
Julie: What is your intention for HOPE Lifestyle?
Christiane: I want to give people the tools to create lasting lifestyle change.
Julie: What are a few examples of what one would see in HOPE Lifestyle?
Christiane: We are starting off the year talking about New Year’s resolutions.  Then we will talk about nutrition, some fun personal fitness classes for us as a group and food tastings.

As you can tell the New Year holds much for us to look forward to.  We HOPE that you will be a part of our new year!

Blessings and a wonderful Christmas season!
Julie

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Appreciating myself and removing that victim mentality

Learning to appreciate myself?  That sounds like a tall order!  Last week Michelle led the group as they talked about this topic.  Many of us have learned to be our own worst critic.  Many of us have learned to walk through life constantly apologizing for ourselves.  Many of us have learned to believe that we are less valuable than others.   Enough of that ladies!  Each one of us has a right and a responsibility to be ourselves.  We each have a purpose and an intention for our life!  We are worthy, valuable and talented with innate abilities that are specific to us.  The more we can begin to recognize the qualities and abilities that make us unique, the more we can truly begin to appreciate ourselves.  The tool for last week was:

  • Define 5 things you appreciate about yourself.  Define "appreciate".

"Don't others see how much I'm hurting?" Can't they see I need help?" and "don't they care?".  How many times have I uttered these very sentences.  The issue is not whether others see or care, the issue is whether I see and care.  The reason we point fingers at others, waiting for them to have compassion on us, is because we have not yet fully acknowledged or accepted our pain or taken responsibility for it.  We have not reached the point of caring about ourselves and have taken the stance of a victim.  It is our responsibility to have compassion for ourselves.  In fact, that is the first step toward self-responsibility, self-care and change!  The tool this week is:

  • How has someone else defined you?  How did or how could you redefine yourself?  
Have a great week ladies.  Let me just say one more time, in case I have not said it lately . . . you are the smartest women I know!  Keep up the excellent work!


Tuesday, March 11, 2014

3 essentials of lasting lifestyle change

The breakout sentence from our nugget on self care two weeks ago was this: "The most powerful and positive impact we can have on other  people is accomplished by taking responsibility for ourselves, and allowing others to be responsible for themselves."  I cannot yell AMEN loud enough!  We have all found ourselves in this position at one time or another, most of us however do not recognize the terribly high price we pay for such behavior.  "We cannot simultaneously set a boundry and take care of another person's feelings.  It's impossible because the two behaviors contradict each other."  Self care is imperative on this journey of lasting lifestyle change.  It is good to care about people and their feelings.  It is essential to care about ourselves too.  The tool for this week was:
  • Name all the self care behaviors you displayed this week.
Last week we moved on to a conversation about the importance of accepting who I am.  Many have struggled with knowing who they are because for years they have been so submerged into the needs of others.  Being who I am, right now, right where I am, is not a limiting attitude.  Accepting and loving myself is how I enable growth and change.  If you are not sure of who you are, I encourage you to enjoy the exciting discovery.  The tool for this week:

  • Sift and big pan of dirt, with gold buried in it.  When the dirt falls out, determine what you are not.  What does the dirt represent in your life that is not you?  When all the dirt is sifted out, what is left is the chunk of gold.  That is YOU!  Finding out who you're not will show you who you are. 
Today we talked about one of the most important issues we face on this journey is learning to trust ourselves.  The most detrimental thing that has happened to us is that we came to believe we couldn't trust ourselves.  Self-trust is a healing gift we can give ourselves.  We can learn it again.  I know what is best for me.  I know what is right for me.  I can trust that God will lead me in the times that I am not sure.

  • Fear, doubt and confusion.  Why are these three the enemies of self trust?

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Self-control (yuk, not my fav topic!)

Yikes!  I don't know about you guys, but that word causes me to tighten up a bit and think of that other word that makes me cringe. . .d i s c i p l i n e!  Last Tuesday we talked about this topic as it relates to lifestyle change and as you can imagine, it clearly relates.  As we read the nugget, this sentence in particular jumped out at me. 

"Lack of self-control is equal to irresponsibility." 

Nothing like hitting the nail on the head! Lack of restraint and lack of responsibilty will lead to consequences.  On this journey we are on to have lasting change, we have the power to practice self-control.  And in this case, I will have to practice. . .and practice. . .and practice self control!

God, help me today as I practice self-control and responsibility in my life.  Help me to do for myself what You have equipped me to do.

TOOL:

1)  Where in your life do you control your actions? Why?

2) Where in your life do you not control your actions? Why not?

It's all about me. . .

"Whoa!  That sounds SO selfish!"  That is the first thing we think when we begin talking about putting ourselves first.  Of course everything has a context and in context to lifestyle change, the concept of self care is paramount.  It is simply not selfish to take care of myself and my needs. Part of the concept of self care is determining what and who we allow in our space.  Two weeks ago before the snow, we talked about this concept using the analogy of life's theater and who we allow in the seats right next to us in the front row, who we allow behind us and who we ask to sit clear in the back of the life's theater.

For many many years, I just didn't realize that I was the one who had the right, power and responsibility to choose who would be near me in my life.  Now I understand that if someone is not safe or emotionally healthy, then I can choose to not have them sit right next to me or I can even ask them to leave my theater!  Many of us feel stuck in our own life's theater with difficult, unhealthy and unsafe people in many of the seats right next to us.   For our own health and well-being, it is necessary to have conversations with these folks expressing how we feel, our needs and ultimately where we would like them to sit in our life's theater,  Using "I" statements is the most healthy and beneficial way in which to do this.  The more healthy I become on this journey of lasting lifestyle change, the more it is OK with me to have some people sit in the back row of my life.  I realize that around these folks I tend to revert back to my "old co-dependent self" and all the unhealthy behaviors that it entails.

God, thank you that your love gives me permission to be my own best friend, before I am anyone elses.  Help me understand that self care is not selfish and is necessary, in order for me to give back to others in a healthy, meaningful way. 
 
TOOL:
Who needs to be placed in the front row of your life's theater, in the middle and in the back?  What will it take to put them there? What repercussions might you face as you change the seating in your theater?

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Feelings. . .nothing more than feelings. . .

One of the most foundational truths we talk about in HOPE is feelings.  For so many years I stuffed my feelings that I didn't even know how to begin to allow myself to feel.  When I stopped using food to stuff them down, they began to pop up without much effort on my part.  The second thing I had to negotiate was how to express these feelings in a healthy way that works for me.  Learning these things definitely takes time and patience and a willingness to continue on the journey of lifestyle change.  Today we talked about this journey in terms of being on a treasure hunt.  One of the treasures we are looking for is the emotional part of ourselves that we may have spent years suppressing. Feelings are simply information that tells us what we need.  Nothing more, nothing less.  While some feelings are more uncomfortable than others, they cannot be looked at as either good or bad.  It doesn't serve me well to judge my feelings.  In fact, your feelings ARE a treasure and a wonderful part that has been wired into you from your birth. Enjoy your treasure hunt this week!  Just remember to keep this attitude in your heart as you go excavating - I will not judge myself for what I'm feeling, I will appreciate my God-given gift of my emotions. 

TOOL:
"We are on a continual treasure hunt on the journey of lifestyle change"

a) Why are your emotions a treasure?

b) What are the other treasure that you will find on this journey?

Healthy vs. Unhealthy FEARS

Let me start this week by sharing a few things regarding the tool from last week.  As you recall, the 2nd part of the tool asked the question "what other treasures are you seeking on the journey of lifestyle change?"  The answers shared by everyone in group this week were just amazing and inspiring, reminding me personally of why I continue on this journey.  Here is the list of treasures:
  • To strive for peace
  • To try new things
  • To be wholly and completely who I was created to be and take risks
  • To be flexible
  • To have boundaries
  • To lean in toward middle ground
  • To build trust in myself
  • To use my voice
  • To offer forgiveness
  • To accept myself right where I am
  • To practice honesty
I intend on keeping this list on my refrigerator as a reminder of the incredible treasures that will continue to unfold as I grow.  This conversation led us into the nugget for this week.  We talked about fear, an emotion many of us have walked in for many years.  Fear is at the core of codependency.  It can motivate us to control people or situations and to neglect ourselves. 

At some point in our lives, we may have relied on fear to protect ourselves much the way soldiers in war rely on fear to help them survive.  Many of us have been afraid for so long that we don't label our feelings as "fear" anymore and it begins to feel normal.  But now, on the journey of lifestyle change, we are choosing to live differently.  We don't have a need for that much fear anymore. We can thank our old fears for helping us survive, then kiss them goodbye!  We can welcome peace, trust, acceptance and safety into our space as we learn to listen to our rational fears while letting go of the rest.

God, help me let go of my need to be afraid and replace it with a need to be at peace.

TOOL: (There is an addition below to the tool you received in group this week)

1) What is the difference between rational and irrational fears? 

2) How can you identify them in your own life?

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Choosing to. . . Choose!

Today we had an awesome group that included folks who had been in HOPE years past and came back to join us and newcomers who have started their journey with us recently.  Together we make a wonderful group of women who are at different places in this hard fought journey called lasting lifestyle change! Today we talked about choice.  I'm not sure there is much that's more foundational to this journey than understanding that I have a choices. Choices about my job, my relationships, my weight, my health, my spiritual path and any other topic that you'd like to add to this list.  Feeling trapped in something is a symptom of codependency and is simply an illusion. I am not controlled by circumstances, the past, expectations of others or unrealistic expectations of myself.  I have choices and when I hear myself say "I don't have a choice" . . .  then I am CHOOSING not to choose.  Not choosing locks me into feeling like a victim with no control, feeling like I must control everything or feeling like I am responsible for taking care of everyone.  Hear the "all or nothing" in that?? It will never serve me well.  Ever. 

Lifestyle change is NOT about behaving perfectly or according to anyone elses rules.  More than anything else, lifestyle change is about knowing we have choices and giving ourself the freedom to choose.

TOOL: 
a)  What choices on the journey of lifestyle change seem to be the hardest to maintain?

b)  What would create consistency for you?

c)  What would block consistency for you?  Why?

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Intention in 2014

Oh how I love that word!  Especially when it relates to my own life and my journey towards growth and change.  We had an awesome discussion in group today about the difference between the words "goal" and "intention".  Intention seems to have some built in grace and some forward momentum and direction.  Goal seems to leave room for disappointment and at times the inability to obtain or accomplish that goal.  With intention, I can continue with forward momentum while adjusting my aim, purpose or objective.  It really was a rich discussion in the difference in the words and just how powerful vernacular can be in our lives.

As this week, month and year unfolds, I encourage you to appreciate the importance of intention in your life.  What would you like to have happen in your life this year?  What particular areas of growth would you like to see?  What blocks would you like to have removed? 

The new year stands before us like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written.  We can help write the story.  Intention can become the internal plum-line on the journey towards health and wellness in 2014.     

TOOL:
What does "intention" mean to you?  How does it relate to your journey of lifestyle change?  What is YOUR intention?  How will you get there?