Thursday, January 30, 2014

Feelings. . .nothing more than feelings. . .

One of the most foundational truths we talk about in HOPE is feelings.  For so many years I stuffed my feelings that I didn't even know how to begin to allow myself to feel.  When I stopped using food to stuff them down, they began to pop up without much effort on my part.  The second thing I had to negotiate was how to express these feelings in a healthy way that works for me.  Learning these things definitely takes time and patience and a willingness to continue on the journey of lifestyle change.  Today we talked about this journey in terms of being on a treasure hunt.  One of the treasures we are looking for is the emotional part of ourselves that we may have spent years suppressing. Feelings are simply information that tells us what we need.  Nothing more, nothing less.  While some feelings are more uncomfortable than others, they cannot be looked at as either good or bad.  It doesn't serve me well to judge my feelings.  In fact, your feelings ARE a treasure and a wonderful part that has been wired into you from your birth. Enjoy your treasure hunt this week!  Just remember to keep this attitude in your heart as you go excavating - I will not judge myself for what I'm feeling, I will appreciate my God-given gift of my emotions. 

TOOL:
"We are on a continual treasure hunt on the journey of lifestyle change"

a) Why are your emotions a treasure?

b) What are the other treasure that you will find on this journey?

Healthy vs. Unhealthy FEARS

Let me start this week by sharing a few things regarding the tool from last week.  As you recall, the 2nd part of the tool asked the question "what other treasures are you seeking on the journey of lifestyle change?"  The answers shared by everyone in group this week were just amazing and inspiring, reminding me personally of why I continue on this journey.  Here is the list of treasures:
  • To strive for peace
  • To try new things
  • To be wholly and completely who I was created to be and take risks
  • To be flexible
  • To have boundaries
  • To lean in toward middle ground
  • To build trust in myself
  • To use my voice
  • To offer forgiveness
  • To accept myself right where I am
  • To practice honesty
I intend on keeping this list on my refrigerator as a reminder of the incredible treasures that will continue to unfold as I grow.  This conversation led us into the nugget for this week.  We talked about fear, an emotion many of us have walked in for many years.  Fear is at the core of codependency.  It can motivate us to control people or situations and to neglect ourselves. 

At some point in our lives, we may have relied on fear to protect ourselves much the way soldiers in war rely on fear to help them survive.  Many of us have been afraid for so long that we don't label our feelings as "fear" anymore and it begins to feel normal.  But now, on the journey of lifestyle change, we are choosing to live differently.  We don't have a need for that much fear anymore. We can thank our old fears for helping us survive, then kiss them goodbye!  We can welcome peace, trust, acceptance and safety into our space as we learn to listen to our rational fears while letting go of the rest.

God, help me let go of my need to be afraid and replace it with a need to be at peace.

TOOL: (There is an addition below to the tool you received in group this week)

1) What is the difference between rational and irrational fears? 

2) How can you identify them in your own life?

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Choosing to. . . Choose!

Today we had an awesome group that included folks who had been in HOPE years past and came back to join us and newcomers who have started their journey with us recently.  Together we make a wonderful group of women who are at different places in this hard fought journey called lasting lifestyle change! Today we talked about choice.  I'm not sure there is much that's more foundational to this journey than understanding that I have a choices. Choices about my job, my relationships, my weight, my health, my spiritual path and any other topic that you'd like to add to this list.  Feeling trapped in something is a symptom of codependency and is simply an illusion. I am not controlled by circumstances, the past, expectations of others or unrealistic expectations of myself.  I have choices and when I hear myself say "I don't have a choice" . . .  then I am CHOOSING not to choose.  Not choosing locks me into feeling like a victim with no control, feeling like I must control everything or feeling like I am responsible for taking care of everyone.  Hear the "all or nothing" in that?? It will never serve me well.  Ever. 

Lifestyle change is NOT about behaving perfectly or according to anyone elses rules.  More than anything else, lifestyle change is about knowing we have choices and giving ourself the freedom to choose.

TOOL: 
a)  What choices on the journey of lifestyle change seem to be the hardest to maintain?

b)  What would create consistency for you?

c)  What would block consistency for you?  Why?

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Intention in 2014

Oh how I love that word!  Especially when it relates to my own life and my journey towards growth and change.  We had an awesome discussion in group today about the difference between the words "goal" and "intention".  Intention seems to have some built in grace and some forward momentum and direction.  Goal seems to leave room for disappointment and at times the inability to obtain or accomplish that goal.  With intention, I can continue with forward momentum while adjusting my aim, purpose or objective.  It really was a rich discussion in the difference in the words and just how powerful vernacular can be in our lives.

As this week, month and year unfolds, I encourage you to appreciate the importance of intention in your life.  What would you like to have happen in your life this year?  What particular areas of growth would you like to see?  What blocks would you like to have removed? 

The new year stands before us like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written.  We can help write the story.  Intention can become the internal plum-line on the journey towards health and wellness in 2014.     

TOOL:
What does "intention" mean to you?  How does it relate to your journey of lifestyle change?  What is YOUR intention?  How will you get there?