Friday, November 20, 2009

Practical Pondering and Julie's Journal

Well it's that time of year again when most of us make endless plans for travel, eat massive amounts of food and spend countless hours with family and friends.  Yep, it's Thanksgiving Holiday!!  I want to take a minute and talk about the word gratitude.  The dictionary states that "gratitude" is: a feeling or state of being thankful.

One of the most incredible life truths I stumbled upon was when I was 24 years old.  I had just been through a very emotionally and physically difficult surgery for cancer in which about a foot of my left calf was removed, all the lymph nodes from my groin area, about a foot of my left hip was removed and about a 6 inch chunk out of my right shoulder was also removed.  My chance survival 5 years from the surgery date was pretty dismal.  I had to go to Duke Hospital in Durham for the type of cancer treatment I needed because the Charlotte hospitals did not offer such treatment at the time.  I was in my second semester of graduate school at the time and all of this shut my life down pretty much for over 6 months.

I was told over and over and over again, "You're so lucky" (well then maybe I needed to pray to be unlucky if that was luck!) and "what a blessing that you live near Duke Hospital" (Right, three hours is close by, are you kidding?)  "Boy you're lucky they found it before it killed you!" (Uhmmm, Okay, right)  These were the kind of comments I received daily and I was resentful, annoyed and frankly, I was wishing that for one day some of the well wishers could feel how it feels to be that "lucky"!!  I got to know most of the other patients pretty well, and as I returned month after month, most of the patients I had become new friends with did not.  One by one, they succumbed to the cancer that ravaged their bodies. 

It was one of the most difficult times in my life, and week after week, month after month, I began to experience a change.  I started to understand what gratitude was.  I also began to understand what all the well wishers were saying to me.  I  truly and whole-heartedly thanked the Lord for allowing me to live through this dreadful disease that was taking most of my new friends.  In fact, I became truly grateful that the Lord had allowed me to experience cancer like I had.  I met so many awesome people who were fighting cancer, so many wonderful medical folks who were in it with me and I had probably to deepest gratitude for my family and closest friends.  I also learned that out of my experience and out of my gratitude I could serve others.  This is where I learned to my core that gratitude for my experiences, especially the difficult ones, could be used to serve others in a way that changed lives.  I became more and more grateful for my difficult life experiences because I now had a platform by which I could serve others.  How powerful that is when one truly understands that concept.  Gratitude.  It is the mechanism by which we can reclaim our lives and even our pasts, so that we can feel joy in our daily lives as we serve others.  Talk about being empowered!! Boy does this translate to our journey of lifestyle change! I found a few quotes on gratitude that we can chew on as we go into a season of Thanksgiving!  Enjoy and please take some time to remember what and who you are grateful for this season. 

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” ~Anonymous


“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” ~William Arthur Ward

"O give thanks unto the Lord, for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever."  ~Psalms 107.1

“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” ~Anthony Robbins

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God."  ~ Thessalonians 5.16-18

“Gratitude changes the pangs of memory into a tranquil joy” ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God." ~ Philippians 4.6



Thursday, November 12, 2009

H.O.P.E. Highlight

Well it certainly has been a cold, rainy, windy week.  Sometimes . . . several days of rain can make me feel gray.  I am ready for some more of those brilliant blue skied days with that cool, fall weather!

I was looking over an email that a fellow group member sent me some time ago.  The naked truth and rawness of her words have stuck with me from the night she read her journal aloud in group. The topic?  "Saying no".  Yep, one of the hardest things in the world for so many of us to do is to say no when we need to say no.  I asked her a few weeks later if she would mind letting me have a copy of her thoughts in order to share on the Blog sometime.  She agreed, hoping that her insights might inspire another to be honest about where they are.  As you read this, please think about where you are on your journey of lifestyle change as related to the topic of saying no when you need to say no.

"I've done all I know how to do to please them;
to make the people I love happy.
The lie I believed was that I ever could
or even should attempt it. I'm not responsible for their happiness.

The raw truth is that giving in all the time NEVER really pleased them or satisfied them, or made them truly happy. Like a baby's pacifier, it only appeased them momentarily and silenced their cries temporarily; all the while, draining my reserves, sapping my strength and diminishing my credibility (even with myself).

Instead of causing them to love me more because they appreciate the person I am (yet another lie), they take me and my love for them for granted, seldom consider my needs or feelings. It seems impossible for me to say, "No" to them without their world coming to an end; yet, I've observed that they have no problem, hesitation or reservation whatsoever about telling me "No" when something isn't to their liking.
My intentions were noble, but what I got in return was pain and self-loathing. So, the lie I agree with when I don't say "No" and mean it is that my needs, feelings and opinions don't matter...that I don't have value. That's the biggest lie of all."

Have you come to the same conclusions as the writer or have you experienced something different?   How long has it taken you to get there?  Can you say no now, or is it still particularly difficult?  Have your Christian beliefs ever made it difficult or impossible to say no when you needed to?  Have you felt the same way she did after not saying no? 

I really look forward to your comments on this Blog.  This topic is really part of the cornerstone of lifestyle change.  Have a blessed weekend

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Individual Interview . . . and a little reminder

OK, ladies, we are going to have a little contest in the H.O.P.E. Program with a prize and everything!  It is that time of year  when I must decide what our H.O.P.E. T-shirts will say and what color they will be.  Last year's shirts said "Find H.O.P.E. at the Harris YMCA" and they are green with white writing.  The contest will consist of this:

1.  Create a clever saying for the back of the T-shirt that uses the word H.O.P.E.
2.  Give me the shirt color and the writing color

That simple!  Whoever submits the winning t-shirt for the spring will win a prize!  Also, everyone who submits an entry will get a consolation prize.  Please submit all entries to julie.hall@ymcacharlotte.org  with the word "Contest" in the subject line.  Last day to receive entries will be November 23rd, 2009. Good luck and let's come up with an awesome T-shirt for the spring!

I have a treat for everyone this week.  The interview is on a beloved group member, who has been with us from the start.  Most of us have missed her greatly over the past several months while she has been away.  She's back. . . . . . . by interview anyway!  It's Gayle Hall, also known as Mom or the Hankie lady. This can serve as a little tease to hold us until she joins us in group again.  Gayle is an example of what can be accomplished through perseverence and determination.  She has overcome an incredible challenge with her health and it reminds me that it's much the same with this journey we are all on.  It takes determination, which IS a choice, and perseverence, which IS a choice.  So as you read this interview, let it be a reminder to us all to be determined in what we are doing and to persevere when the road gets hard.  Have a great week ladies!

H.O.P.E. Individual Interview

What is your name?
Gayle Hall

Who is your family and additional support system outside of H.O.P.E.?
Husband John of 53, almost 54 years on January 1st.
Daughters Julie and Laurie and her husband Barry, and my grandchild, Cyrus who is 8 years old. I also have a wonderful Sunday School Class at First Baptist Church and a dear friend I have known for 60 years.

How long have you been a H.O.P.E Participant?
Since the very first class that was held. I have been beside Julie’s side long before this program, and will be forever!

What is the most useful tool you have received in H.O.P.E. and why?
At my age, I discovered that I can have boundaries and have a voice. These two have been the best tools and they work well for me.

What has been your greatest accomplishment through the H.O.P.E. program?
Being able to come to all of the classes on Tuesday and share and get support from others.

What has been your greatest challenge on your journey of lifestyle change?
Falling. . .ha ha . . .or not!

What does the H.O.P.E. program mean to you personally?
Watching my daughter in action and seeing how she gives such support and love to the girls in group really warms my heart and makes me very, very proud as a mom. Nothing gives me a greater thrill.

Can you share some words of wisdom with others who are just beginning their journey of lifestyle change?
The journey begins on the inside, changing how and what you think. It’s not about the food. Baby steps toward change are really important.