Julie's Journal

I had an opportunity last night that has never occurred as long as I have been doing this group. Only one person showed up for group. We had such a deep, honest and rich conversation about. . . shame. Imagine that! That word and what it implies comes up so often in private conversations with participants, in group meetings and even in Church.

If there was a word that was the opposite of "lasting lifestyle change", I believe it would be shame. I know you guys have heard this so often, but I think this is a topic we can not hear enough about. Shame is like a cancer that erodes our progress in lifestyle change. If we are not intentional about challenging the shame messages in our lives, then our behavior will reflect it. Nothing drives me to a good old eating frenzy like a good old shame message.

I think there are three steps to getting shame out of our healthy space. First, we cannot challenge what we do not know exists. We have to first identify that we have shame messages in order to challenge them and believe something else. Many of the messages come from our childhood, from trauma or from people currently in our lives. These shaming voices may be so ingrained that they are difficult to identify without honest reflection, support of safe people or even professional help. Folks, the best news of all, is that these shame messages are learned. You and I were not born full of shame feeling such contempt for ourselves! We learned that somewhere along the way, and boy did my unhealthy eating behaviors reflect it!

After we identify a shame message, then it becomes a choice. Do we choose to believe the shame or not. The second step in ridding shame from our lives is to actually choose not to believe the shame message, to challenge the racket. My unhealthy behaviors usually reflect that I have chosen to believe the racket of shame that is yelling in the background of my mind. Last night, the lone H.O.P.E. participant and I spent a good bit of time talking about the fact that it is a choice whether to believe it or not. I promise you that if we believe the shame, our behavior (unhealthy eating) will reflect our choice.

If we choose not to believe the shame message, then what will we believe? We have to believe something. Either the shame message or the truth message. We cannot just choose to not believe shame without consciously deciding what it is we will believe instead. Choosing to believe the truth is the third step in ridding the shame in our lives. For me, my "truth" message is found in the Word of the Living God. I am told that there is no condemnation(shame) in Christ and that I am free, free, free from shame. Yippee!! Free from shame? Is that even possible? I am here to tell you that it is not only possible, but it is the greatest freedom that in turn allows us to live out our lives in the way we choose to without fear of the shameful judgement of God, ourselves, or others. Now that is freedom!

Shame always attacks the core of who I am, my personhood, my self. Conviction is always about my behavior. If I behave in a way that I feel convicted about, then I can respond responsibly with no shame. What is your 'truth message"? Where do you get your "truth message" to refute the shame in your life. Do you believe it? Does your behavior reflect that you believe it? I would love to hear your thoughts on this cornerstone topic of lasting lifestyle change.

Until next week, healthy living to all!

Practical Ponderings

This is the third week of our blog, which has been named "Practical Ponderings". I would like this week of the month to be where we talk about the practical things we do to make lifestyle change happen. Since we talk so much about the emotional piece of this journey, I wanted there to be a place where we can talk about how the "rubber meets the road" for each of us. Some of us love to walk, and we like Weight Watchers to show us how to eat. Some of us love to swim, and we do not like to subscribe to any point counting for our eating. Some of us hate exercise but count calories for our food intake. This journey is so individual, and looks different for each one of us, depending on our history, our health and our circumstances. I have found that as we share what works for us, it almost always helps someone else on their journey. Please share this week one of your favorite practical tips, whether it falls under the spirit, mind, body, as long as it relates to your journey of lifestyle change.

I'll start with one of my practical tips that always seems to serve me well. Water, water, water! The more water I drink, the better I feel and the more it facilitates health, wellness and weight loss. How about you, what is a tip that serves you well on this journey of lifestyle change?

H.O.P.E. Highlight

Hi Everyone!

Welcome to our second consistent week with the blog! I know some of you were holding your breath, but here it is! The second Thursday of each month we will have what's called the H.O.P.E. Highlight which is simply a comment or idea that someone in group has shared, that I find particularly profound, inspirational or thought-provoking. I have decided to keep names out of the blog for obvious reasons of privacy, but feel free to claim the quote if it is yours and you would like to.

As usual, we have had some awesome discussions about what keeps us stuck in some pretty unhealthy behaviors. One of the things we have talked about recently is that fear is at the core if co-dependency. One participant commented that "fear is sneaky in my life, not as obvious as it used to be". Then another followed up saying "My fear is like a wolf in sheep's clothing". I found that statement to be oh so true for me also.

Can you identify the ways that your fear(which is at the CORE of co-dependency) appears like a wolf in sheep's clothing as you attempt lasting lifestyle change?

Individual Interview . . . and a little reminder

Hi Everybody! Welcome back to the H.O.P.E. Blog where we can come together and meet each other anytime we like. I invite you to sign up so that you can make comments and keep the conversation going. I want this to be a place where we can all share our experience with lifestyle change openly and honestly. There are many ups and downs and all arounds on this journey, and what keeps us moving forward is support from other on the same journey and practicing the emotional strategies(tools) that we learn each week in group. Here's what you can expect each week.

First Thursday of Month - Individual Interview
Second Thursday of Month - H.O.P.E. Highlight
Third Thursday of Month - Practical Ponderings
Fourth Thursday of Month - Julie's Journal
Fifth Thursday of Month(if there is one) - Surprise??

Before we get started with our first individual interview, I was asked to post a reminder on the Blog today that is extremely important for all of us to remember. There are 7 measures of success on the journey of lasting lifestyle change. The scale counts as 1/7 of the equation. That leaves a whole lot more measures of success. In fact, I think there are many more than 7. Put on your thinking caps and let's see if we can come up with more than 10 and share them here. (Just a side note, but I remember when KT and I were working so hard in the gym preparing for some event, maybe the half marathon, and she was not loosing weight. She was making extremely healthy food choices and working out like a hound dog, but no weight loss. Well guess how many inches she was loosing?? Several a week and then after a month or two she began to loose body weight again. She lost over 60 inches total, including 10 around her waist alone!) Just an example of a measure of success.

On to our first interview with Yarby Williams and I'll be checking in to see the ongoing conversation and to leave my own comments as well. Enjoy ladies, this is your space.

Individual Interview

What is your name?
Yarby Williams

Who is your family and additional support system outside of H.O.P.E.?
My husband John and three grown daughters, four grandchildren age 4 and under, and 5th grandchild due the end of June, a professional counselor, and numerous praying friends

How long have you been a H.O.P.E Participant?
18 months

What is the most useful tool you have received in H.O.P.E. and why?
“Act as if” After learning much about the emotional aspect of overeating in the first three months I attended H.O.P.E., I began to put into practice the actual lifestyle journey change, although I didn’t really “feel like” doing it. I knew it was time, and decided to use this favorite tool and just act like I really wanted to do it and eventually I actually grew into really wanting to do it, to the glory of God and for myself, not for my mother or anyone else.

What has been your greatest accomplishment through the H.O.P.E. program?
I began Weight Watchers 14 1/2 months ago, and exercise a couple of months later, first walking and then swimming. I have now lost 177 pounds and am no longer just existing, but living life! I’m off most of my medications and feel so much better. I’m excited about losing 23 more pounds and staying close to goal for life.

What has been your greatest challenge on your journey of lifestyle change?
Finding middle ground instead of “all or nothing”. I once feared ever going off my “diet plan” but now I realize that this is a lifestyle change journey and not a diet and I can’t live in the “all or nothing” for life. If I don’t do just right one day, I can now move forward the next day, the next meal, without feeling like all is lost.

What does the H.O.P.E. program mean to you personally?
It has given me my life back, literally. I do believe I wouldn’t be alive today if I had not found hope through H.O.P.E.

Can you share some words of wisdom with others who are just beginning their journey of lifestyle change?
Ask for and give encouragement and prayer support. Work the program and let the program work for you. Learn and use the tools, even if it begins with “acting as if”. Take advantage of the support of others in the group and share openly with them and enjoy this journey of lifestyle change one day (and one meal) at a time.