Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Appreciating myself and removing that victim mentality

Learning to appreciate myself?  That sounds like a tall order!  Last week Michelle led the group as they talked about this topic.  Many of us have learned to be our own worst critic.  Many of us have learned to walk through life constantly apologizing for ourselves.  Many of us have learned to believe that we are less valuable than others.   Enough of that ladies!  Each one of us has a right and a responsibility to be ourselves.  We each have a purpose and an intention for our life!  We are worthy, valuable and talented with innate abilities that are specific to us.  The more we can begin to recognize the qualities and abilities that make us unique, the more we can truly begin to appreciate ourselves.  The tool for last week was:

  • Define 5 things you appreciate about yourself.  Define "appreciate".

"Don't others see how much I'm hurting?" Can't they see I need help?" and "don't they care?".  How many times have I uttered these very sentences.  The issue is not whether others see or care, the issue is whether I see and care.  The reason we point fingers at others, waiting for them to have compassion on us, is because we have not yet fully acknowledged or accepted our pain or taken responsibility for it.  We have not reached the point of caring about ourselves and have taken the stance of a victim.  It is our responsibility to have compassion for ourselves.  In fact, that is the first step toward self-responsibility, self-care and change!  The tool this week is:

  • How has someone else defined you?  How did or how could you redefine yourself?  
Have a great week ladies.  Let me just say one more time, in case I have not said it lately . . . you are the smartest women I know!  Keep up the excellent work!


Tuesday, March 11, 2014

3 essentials of lasting lifestyle change

The breakout sentence from our nugget on self care two weeks ago was this: "The most powerful and positive impact we can have on other  people is accomplished by taking responsibility for ourselves, and allowing others to be responsible for themselves."  I cannot yell AMEN loud enough!  We have all found ourselves in this position at one time or another, most of us however do not recognize the terribly high price we pay for such behavior.  "We cannot simultaneously set a boundry and take care of another person's feelings.  It's impossible because the two behaviors contradict each other."  Self care is imperative on this journey of lasting lifestyle change.  It is good to care about people and their feelings.  It is essential to care about ourselves too.  The tool for this week was:
  • Name all the self care behaviors you displayed this week.
Last week we moved on to a conversation about the importance of accepting who I am.  Many have struggled with knowing who they are because for years they have been so submerged into the needs of others.  Being who I am, right now, right where I am, is not a limiting attitude.  Accepting and loving myself is how I enable growth and change.  If you are not sure of who you are, I encourage you to enjoy the exciting discovery.  The tool for this week:

  • Sift and big pan of dirt, with gold buried in it.  When the dirt falls out, determine what you are not.  What does the dirt represent in your life that is not you?  When all the dirt is sifted out, what is left is the chunk of gold.  That is YOU!  Finding out who you're not will show you who you are. 
Today we talked about one of the most important issues we face on this journey is learning to trust ourselves.  The most detrimental thing that has happened to us is that we came to believe we couldn't trust ourselves.  Self-trust is a healing gift we can give ourselves.  We can learn it again.  I know what is best for me.  I know what is right for me.  I can trust that God will lead me in the times that I am not sure.

  • Fear, doubt and confusion.  Why are these three the enemies of self trust?