A little of both maybe?

After our lively discussion last night on discipline, we ended on a note of faith. It seems to me that discipline and faith kind of go hand in hand. A little discipline produces a little faith? When we walk in discipline, we are trusting that our goals will be reached, even though we cannot see them right away. Not sure I really understand how the two are connected, or if in fact one produces the other, but I do know this. . . they are connected and they are both extremely important qualities to embrace on lifestyle change. Probably my favorite quote that is not scriptural follows and I think that it speaks to this journey in every way.

"When you come to the edge of all the light you know
And are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing one of two things will happen:
There will be something solid on which to stand
Or you will be taught to fly."

So fly on my fellow sojourners in lifestyle change, fly on. And remember, if you are not quite in the place of "knowing" one of two things will happen, then just trust. Trusting, in a nutshell, is the faith! Have a great week!

Hard Times

OK, so the nugget this week was titled "Getting through hard times". Many times in group I have mentioned that God gives us what we need when we need it. Well this week was no different. That nugget came just in time for me. I left group this week and found myself driving around looking for gas since I was on an eighth of a tank. I looked at 9 gas stations on the way to a Dr.'s appointment and each one had those bags over the handles indicating "NO GAS". As each of the stations left me high and dry, the fear began to mount. Well, Tuesday passed and by Wednesday, I was wondering what in the world I was going to do. I was in a serious spiral of fear, doubt and frustration. By Thursday, I had already decided that I was going to be found dead in my Condo, because I was going to be trapped and stranded due to the fact that there was no gas left in the entire world. OK, that may be a slight exaggeration, but not too much of one. I really was thinking in a panicky way, and full of fear. Now let me get back to the nugget this week. And I "We can use the feelings during a hard time to fine-tune our skills and our relationship with God OR we can go through these situations suffering, and storing up bitterness. THE CHOICE IS OURS" Now come on. . . .how many times in a week do I say choice, choice, choice! Ouch! It hit me like a ton of bricks on Thursday morning that I was actually making a choice to ride the downward spiral I was in. Can I say Ouch one more time. So I did make a choice. A choice to stop. I focused on THE truth, not what the media was telling me, not what my irrational fears were telling me and not what the mayor was telling me. THE truth says that I serve the Living God Who provides for ALL my needs. Period. Not if there is gas, not if I have cash and not if God is in the mood to help. It is a non-negotiable promise straight from God's heart to my ear. There are no conditions on that promise. So I can be absolutely sure that my God WILL supply ALL my needs. . . Oh how powerful that promise is. The fear level dropped off the radar. I began to feel strong and assured that no matter what the state of my city, my nation and my world is, that my Father will meet my needs, whatever they are. What a relief. What a relief! If you find yourself spiraling out of control in a hard situation, and your emotions are all over the map, my encouragement to you is to just stop. Stop and reflect on what your truth is, not someone else's. Stop and reflect on the tools that you have gathered along the journey of lifestyle change. Stop and make the choice to learn from the situation and grow.

Gentle reminder

OK, so I have not been too good about keeping up with weekly bolgs. I apologize for that. I have had quite a bit on my plate in the past several months, but today I got a gentle reminder of why we are so committed to this program, why it is important to blog and why this journey has introduced me to the smartes people I know! Following is a letter I received today from a H.O.P.E. group member from several years ago. Please read this letter, and then let me know how her letter resonates with you on your journey toward lifestyle change.

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you for your work with the H.O.P.E. group. It’s been years since I’ve sat in on a group, but so much of what I learned from you and my peers continues to stay with me. Aside from the amazing tools imparted, one of the most healing things was to see myself reflected in those who appeared to be so unlike me. How wonderful to be given the space and permission to open up and share my pain with people who could actually understand. How wonderful to learn I wasn’t the only one suffering from either/or mentality. I wasn’t the only one hell bent on carrying someone else’s duffel bag of rocks, when I never even learned how to handle my own knapsack. When I walked in and sat in the circle for the first time, I was nervous. Once again I had thrust myself in a situation where I was the anomaly. The lone young brown girl. I had no idea how much of myself I would find in those sitting beside me. “You mean to tell me I’m not the only one who deals with pain in this way? I’m not the only one who was taught that the needs of others were more important than my own. I wasn’t the only one taught to feel ashamed at any attempt to care for self first?” The implication was astounding! “You mean to tell me … I’m really not alone? Egads!!”

All joking aside, I think this may have been the planting of the seeds of an even greater, larger lesson for me. For I am still overweight. I still do things that are not in my best interest sometimes. But with far less frequency, and greater awareness. In the meantime I have learned that my pain is not simply my own. It is the same pain that is found in the heart of everyone who has ever experienced loss, grief, or disappointment. It is the shared pain of humanity and it does not define or limit any of us any more than we allow it to. I don’t need to be perfect to make a difference in my world. I can be a size 22 and walk clear, strong, and free in the truth of my heart. I can take baby steps on the road to healthier living in every area of my life. I can forgive myself when I stumble. I can greet my mistakes with compassion and kindness instead of judgment and blame.

At this moment, I am in the midst of the most tremendous leap of faith of my life. The lessons are deep and rich. Everyday, the garden that grows inside my hula hoop becomes richer, healthier, and lusher. I enjoy the beauty of the flowers planted in a room, at a Y in Charlotte, NC, where no one “looked like me”. There I began to learn that my journey is not my own. I walk it in the most wonderful company imaginable. A room full of beautiful souls who have made the courageous decision to finally give themselves the love and kindness they have always deserved. I love you. I honor you. I celebrate you.

Deepest Love & Gratitude,

Ratasha

Saying that little word. . . .

OK, so we have had some lively discussions this week on the difficulty of saying "no". I have really pondered that question. Why do so many of us find it so hard to just say no when that is what we mean? Could it be that the answer is tied up in our view of ourselves? The more we value ourselves, the more likely we are to say no when we need to. The less self esteem or worth we think we have, the less likely we are to say no when we need to. The thing about shame and low self worth is that it permeates EVERYTHING in our lives. When we do not value ourselves at all, we become desperate to get that "value" or approval from outside of us - from others. Now of course it is not possible to get self worth any place other than self, hence the name self-worth! But we certainly try and saying a simple no might make them mad at us or even not like us. Most likely not the truth, but we are too afraid to say no, when that is what we really need. How can we begin to say no if we never have and we're afraid to? First, like anything we have never done before, we have to take our fear with us and just do it the first time. Bet when I first rode my bike I was scared. Bet when I first swam I was scared too. I practiced saying no on the telemarketers. They were great for arguing about how much I needed something and I would just say no however many times it took! Secondly, we must begin to challenge the shame message. It really does permeate all aspects of life and until that message can be replaced with a healthier one, we will be doomed to unhealthy repetitive behaviors. For me, my faith and belief in what God says about who and what I am began to replace the unhealthy shameful message I believed for so long. If you can challenge yourself on these two aspects of lifestyle change, taking the fear with you as you just say no and identifying unhealthy messages (racket), then saying no will get easier and easier!

Freedom

I started thinking what that word really means to me. Freedom from what? What am I actually free from? To answer that question I think I have to start with the opposite of freedom. That would be imprisonment or bondage. Oh yes, now it's becoming clearer. Freedom to me means freedom from bondage. Freedom from the heavy bondage of weight. Freedom from the awful bondage of shame. Freedom from the endless bondage of worrying about what others think of me. And all of this leads me to rejoice in the freedoms I have experienced. After loosing over 240 pounds, I have the freedom to move about this world in a body that allows me to. Freedom to walk marathons, to hike mountains and to whitewater raft! After working through the pain of my childhood abuse, I have the freedom to make healthy choices for myself without the bondage of unhealthy filters driving my behavior. Freedom to get clean and sober, to stand up for myself and to not eat food in an unhealthy way. After learning how to feel all of my emotions without numbing them with food or substances, I now have the freedom to cry when something hurts and laugh when something is funny. After learning how to take care of the child within, I have the freedom to behave as an adult and to meet my needs in a healthy way. Freedom to make choices that are mine to make! How did I go from such bondage to true freedom you ask? That freedom has been found in a relationship with Jesus. Before I knew Jesus personally, I thought I had all the freedoms in the world. I could eat whatever I wanted and as much of it as I wanted. I could drink as much alcohol as I wanted and I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to. I have never been in more serious bondage than those years. All the food led to morbid obesity. All the alcohol led to a drinking problem and my "free" behavior led to dangerous situations. It was only when I came into a real-life relationship with Jesus was that bondage broken. I was led out of it one step at a time. Freedom, sweet freedom! Happy 4th of July!