Thursday, July 31, 2008

Saying that little word. . . .

OK, so we have had some lively discussions this week on the difficulty of saying "no". I have really pondered that question. Why do so many of us find it so hard to just say no when that is what we mean? Could it be that the answer is tied up in our view of ourselves? The more we value ourselves, the more likely we are to say no when we need to. The less self esteem or worth we think we have, the less likely we are to say no when we need to. The thing about shame and low self worth is that it permeates EVERYTHING in our lives. When we do not value ourselves at all, we become desperate to get that "value" or approval from outside of us - from others. Now of course it is not possible to get self worth any place other than self, hence the name self-worth! But we certainly try and saying a simple no might make them mad at us or even not like us. Most likely not the truth, but we are too afraid to say no, when that is what we really need. How can we begin to say no if we never have and we're afraid to? First, like anything we have never done before, we have to take our fear with us and just do it the first time. Bet when I first rode my bike I was scared. Bet when I first swam I was scared too. I practiced saying no on the telemarketers. They were great for arguing about how much I needed something and I would just say no however many times it took! Secondly, we must begin to challenge the shame message. It really does permeate all aspects of life and until that message can be replaced with a healthier one, we will be doomed to unhealthy repetitive behaviors. For me, my faith and belief in what God says about who and what I am began to replace the unhealthy shameful message I believed for so long. If you can challenge yourself on these two aspects of lifestyle change, taking the fear with you as you just say no and identifying unhealthy messages (racket), then saying no will get easier and easier!

5 comments:

Yarbster said...

Wonderful! Now go and have a blessed, much-deserved vacation. And remember to say no when you need to (I know you will). I'm learning so much about that little word, and yes I do believe it has much to do with self-esteem (of which I have very little, but am getting better every day, especially Tuesdays!). Love you, Yarbster

Julie Hall said...

Thank you Yarbster! And as you infer, this whole journey is created by the baby steps, which result in progress.

kindra said...

For me today I will choose to say no to shame and no self-value. If God is for me, how can I be against myself--just because of the weight I carry?! For me, I have never been small enough or looked good enough to be free to be the me God intended. I am realizing for me to start valuing myself is to start today--where I am--no matter how much I weigh. Thank you for the blogs--wow!

Yarbster said...

I don't know about everyone else, but I'm sad not to have group tomorrow. Hoping to still go to the "Y" and work out and maybe see one or two of you there? And I'll look forward to next week. Hoping Julie and Cathy are having great vacations.
Does anyone know if Karen H. is home from the hospital yet? Anyone have her mailing address?
Yarbster

Yarbster said...

Hope everyone is having a great week. I had a good meeting with my counselor Paul yesterday, but still missed HOPE. I did go and walked a mile and spent almost 2 hours in the pool (which has been such a blessing!), including the water aerobics class. But I missed the meeting and all of you "smartest people I know" very much.
Does anyone know what the latest is with Karen Hughes? Or what her mailing address is - I'd like to send her a card at home (surely she's home by now?). Guess I should call her again soon. I don't want to interrupt her rest, but would like to talk to her.
Yarbster