Thursday, September 19, 2013

Food

 
 
I received this in an email from a friend.  I hope you ponder on the thought like I did.  Have a nice weekend ladies and remember, YOU are the smartest people I know!!
 
 

Monday, May 6, 2013

Soul-sickness


The last few weeks worth of conversations in HOPE have been not only interesting but quite thought provoking.  We talked about those old-time feelings that return from time to time on our journey of lifestyle change. When we begin to feel unworthy, victimized, helpless, and resentful again, we can know we have slipped back into codependency, a condition also known as soul-sickness. Sandy calls it "notgoodenoughitis"!  I love that.  The good news is that it doesn't mean we are back to square one on lifestyle change. It simply means we need to use the tools we have learned to help us out of the dark, muddy, pit of codependency.  KT shared a story when one of her children was stuck in a deep mud pit.  Her husband grabbed their son and pulled him so hard to get him out, that he pulled the child right out of his tennis shoes which both remained buried deep in the mud.  What behaviors do you need to leave buried in the pit of codependency as you pull yourself out?  The tool for this week:  How do you get out of the deep dark pit of codependency?  How did you get there?  How can you miss the pit next time? 

Two weeks ago we talked about using others to create our happiness or stop our pain.  Many of us have waited for someone else to make us happy or waited so long for someone to stop the pain we were in. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim.  That beautifully wrapped gift of well-being is one that I give myself. I am totally responsible for it!  While it is true that if someone steps on my foot they are hurting me and therefore holds the power to stop the pain by getting of my foot, it is totally my pain and my responsibility to tell the person to get off my foot!  The tool for this week:  Draw a gift with a tag that says To: (your name) and From: (your name).  Now name the gift that you would like to give yourself.  We had some awesome answers to this one in group.  Oh what freedom comes when we realize that we are responsible for our own well-being!

Last week the nugget was titled "Perfection".  That word makes most of us squirm because either we are striving to achieve it or because we feel so far from it.  Striving for perfection leaves us in that "all or nothing" wasteland, and feeling far from perfection leaves us shaming ourselves for not being good enough.  It can also become an excuse to do nothing.  Perfection is impossible unless we reframe that word and think of it in a new way.  Perfection is accepting and loving who we are and accepting where we are today.  Nothing good comes from perfectionist behaviors and everything good comes from accepting and loving who I am.  Then and only then can I change where I am and have lasting lifestyle change.  The tool last week:  name a perfectionist behavior that you indulge in on your journey of lifestyle change. Define indulge.

This week we will chew on taking risks, and even being willing to fail, which is the very thing that will lead us out of perfectionism.  Should be interesting. Hope to see you on Tuesday or Thursday this week!      

Monday, April 8, 2013

A New Time for HOPE!

Happy Spring everybody!  I have some new and exciting news for the H.O.P.E Program.  We have decided to change the time for the Tuesday group from 10AM - 11AM to 12PM - 1PM.  We have met on Tuesdays at 10AM for 10 years, but for several reasons we are moving to the lunch time hour so some folks who work will now be able to join us over that hour.  Here is the H.O.P.E. schedule
beginning on April 16th: (This week we will meet at 10AM on Tuesday)

Tuesdays from 12PM - 1PM
Thursdays from 6PM - 7PM

The last several weeks we have had some deep and interesting conversation about trusting ourselves, empowering ourselves, getting our needs met and last week that led us into the topic of learning to appreciate ourselves.  Notice the theme of these last many weeks?  It's all about me!  All these nuggets are focused on me, myself and I! The only way to make lasting progress on the journey of lifestyle change is to remove my focus from others and return it to me. Notice I said "return" it.  Focusing on everyone elses needs to my own detriment is a learned behavior.  And for those of us on this journey, the cost can be very high. 

As we chewed over the topic of trusting ourselves, we realized that one of the most harmful things that has happened to us was that we came to believe that we could not trust ourselves.  Self-trust is a healing gift we can give ourselves.  How?  We learn it!  The tool on this week was to identify a place of shame in your life and then identify what compassion would say to that shame. 

The next week we talked about empowering ourselves.  Part of empowering ourselves is understanding what drives our behavior.  When we react to something, we are coming from a child place with little control over our emotions.  When we respond to something, we are coming from an adult place taking responsibility for our emotions and the need that they are pointing to.  The tool on this week was to define react and respond and share an experience where you reacted and one where you responded, and what you felt during both. 

The following week we talked about getting our needs met.  You can see the flow of the nuggets through these weeks.  We had a great discussion on how feelings identify a need.  Nothing more, nothing less, so we do not need to be afraid of feeling.  When we close our eyes to a need in our life, we close our arms to its fulfilment.  The tool on this week was to identify 3 feelings you've had throughout the week and then identify what the need is, then finally how to meet that need. 

Then last week we talked about learning to appreciate ourselves.  Although we have walked through most of our lives apologizing for ourselves - directly or indirectly and feeling that we were less valuable than others, believing that others are meant to be here and we are not.  It is time for that to stop!  We gave a copy of the nugget to each person last week and encouraged them to repeat these truths to themselves outloud. 
* We have a right and a responsibility to be here.
* We have a right and a responsibility to be ourselves.
*We are worthy and deserving.
The tool last week was to write how you feel about this sentence.  "I am the greatest thing that will ever happen to me" -Codependent No More.  Also, how can you validate yourself?

This week we will talk about what to do when those old-time feelings begin to creep back in. 

Enjoy your week. You truly are the smartest wowan I have ever known!  EVER!

    

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Emotional Convalescence


We have had some awesome conversation over the last few weeks about emotional convalescence (healing from emotional pain that drives unhealthy behaviors) and learning to accept who we are, including a painful past, so that we can begin to change where we are.  We started two weeks ago by picking out the verbs or action words from the following quote to see what part we are responsible for in our own healing:

"Learn not to grow impatient with the slow healing process of time.  We need to discipline ourselves to recognize that there are many steps to be taken along the highway leading from sorrow (and shame)to renewed serenity (and peace) . . . We need to anticipate these stages in our emotional convalescence; unbearable pain, poignant grief, empty days, resistance to consolation, disinterestedness in life, gradually giving way . . . to the new weaving of a pattern of action and the acceptance of the irresistible challenge of life."  Joshua Loth Leibman

I just LOVE that quote!  So full of truthful nuggets for me to sink my teeth in to, or better yet, sink my thoughts in to!  Lifestyle change is a process.  It's a gradual process, a healing process, and a spiritual process - a journey rather than a destination.  It's in the  journey that we learn this new weaving of a pattern of action and the acceptance of the irresistible challenge of life.

Last week we continued the rich discussion on what it means to accept ourselves.  Many of us have stuffed and numbed our feelings for so long that we really aren't sure of who we are at all.  Valid point.  Many of us feel so much shame about ourselves that it impacts our behaviors in such unhealthy ways.  Another valid point!  We compared it to walking around in life wearing a pair of glasses that are the wrong prescription and has numerous smudges all over the lenses.  Of course both of these issues would affect my ability to interact with the world around me.  If the curb looked far away but was actually right in front of me, I would trip and probably fall.  My wrong prescription did not reflect reality.  That is exactly what happens to us when we believe things about ourselves that are not true (smudges and wrong prescriptions) and operate under wrong and unhealthy messages.  An example that we talked about is if I believe that I am unworthy of taking care of myself, then I will not eat well, rest well, make time for fitness or any other number of things.  The journey of lifestyle change is a wonderful way to become aware of some of these "smudges" and "wrong prescriptions" that have caused us to repeat unhealthy behaviors that do not serve us well.  The tool last week was to identify some of the smudges that are on your lenses and how that particular smudge impacts your behavior on your journey of lifestyle change.

This week we talked about taking care of ourselves; not an easy thing for most of us to do.  Again, what we believe about ourselves will certainly determine how, or if, we take care of ourselves.  We have to be connected to ourselves and our feelings to know what we need.  That leads to the tool for this week since the highlighted sentence and the tool are extremely connected.  List a few REAL needs that you have this week and a few MANUFACTURED needs that you have this week.  The following is an example
"I need some ice cream because I only got three hours sleep and I'm so exhausted = MANUFACTURED NEED.
"I need to rest now and will go to bed early tonight because I only got three hours sleep last night" =  REAL NEED.

Enjoy your weekend and I look forward to seeing you all next week.  And if I haven't told you lately, you truly are the smartest people I know!  Keep up the awesome work in group . . .
   

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Thursday Night H.O.P.E. group returns!

I am excited to announce that we will be starting the H.O.P.E. Program's Thursday evening group on:
                        Thursday - February 14th from 6pm - 7pm
We have had many request for the Thursday evening group and I am thrilled that we are now able to offer it.  I would also like to make everyone aware of the fact that I will be having foot surgery in the beginning of March which will prevent me from facilitating H.O.P.E. for several weeks.  I am so happy to tell you that our own group member of many years, Sandy Welfare, has graciously agreed to facilitate during my absence.  Sandy is quite qualified as she has completed her Master's degree in Christian ministries with a minor in counseling.  Her years as a H.O.P.E. participant gives her a clear insight into the journey of lasting lifestyle change.  We are also still looking for the right person to fill the role of our H.O.P.E Therapist.  We will continue to interview applicants and will have the prospective thereapist sit in with us in group.  We are hopeful that we're getting close to finding just the right person!

This week we talked about the debilitating effects of shame in out lives and on our journey of lifestyle change.  When we operate out of a shame place in our life, it impacts every choice we make, and disrupts our ability to see things from a healthy perspective.  The message of shame never changes; it is "I am bad" or "I am unworthy".  Shame truly is mud to the soul!  We talked about learning to identify and name the shame in our lives.  Loving and accepting who we are will then enable us to change where we are.  The tool this week came out of our conversation about shame.

TOOL:
How can my shame be tied to my lack of motivation?  

Friday, January 11, 2013

Street Signs for the Journey

Hi everybody!  Well I'm back to blogging again and have decided to blog a little bit each week so that I can include the weekly tool for those who missed group and would like to have it.  This week we talked about goals. Goals simply give us direction in our lives and that is exactly what we are looking for in lifestyle change.  Direction.  Direction towards health and wellness and wholeness. As we think about our goals for the upcoming weeks and months, we can look for signs that will tell us if we are heading toward our goals.  When my goal was to go hiking and camping in Montana, I followed every single sign that pointed toward Glacier, Montana.  The signs that told me where I was and if  I was on the right path where extremely important.  It is the same with our journey of lifestyle change.  What are the signs that you're seeing on your journey?  What are the signs telling you about where you are on the path towards your goals? 

The new year stands before us, like a book waiting to be written.  We can help write that story by setting goals.

The tool: 
Write the title of each of the 12 chapters of your book.  You can be creative in naming these chapters and what they represent for the goals that will give direction to the next 12 months of your life.

I look forward to seeing each of you next week.  We will be talking about choices and honing our ability to recognize them. Have a great weekend!