Well it certainly has been a cold, rainy, windy week. Sometimes . . . several days of rain can make me feel gray. I am ready for some more of those brilliant blue skied days with that cool, fall weather!
I was looking over an email that a fellow group member sent me some time ago. The naked truth and rawness of her words have stuck with me from the night she read her journal aloud in group. The topic? "Saying no". Yep, one of the hardest things in the world for so many of us to do is to say no when we need to say no. I asked her a few weeks later if she would mind letting me have a copy of her thoughts in order to share on the Blog sometime. She agreed, hoping that her insights might inspire another to be honest about where they are. As you read this, please think about where you are on your journey of lifestyle change as related to the topic of saying no when you need to say no.
"I've done all I know how to do to please them;
to make the people I love happy.
The lie I believed was that I ever could
or even should attempt it. I'm not responsible for their happiness.
The raw truth is that giving in all the time NEVER really pleased them or satisfied them, or made them truly happy. Like a baby's pacifier, it only appeased them momentarily and silenced their cries temporarily; all the while, draining my reserves, sapping my strength and diminishing my credibility (even with myself).
Instead of causing them to love me more because they appreciate the person I am (yet another lie), they take me and my love for them for granted, seldom consider my needs or feelings. It seems impossible for me to say, "No" to them without their world coming to an end; yet, I've observed that they have no problem, hesitation or reservation whatsoever about telling me "No" when something isn't to their liking.
My intentions were noble, but what I got in return was pain and self-loathing. So, the lie I agree with when I don't say "No" and mean it is that my needs, feelings and opinions don't matter...that I don't have value. That's the biggest lie of all."
Have you come to the same conclusions as the writer or have you experienced something different? How long has it taken you to get there? Can you say no now, or is it still particularly difficult? Have your Christian beliefs ever made it difficult or impossible to say no when you needed to? Have you felt the same way she did after not saying no?
I really look forward to your comments on this Blog. This topic is really part of the cornerstone of lifestyle change. Have a blessed weekend