Friday, March 5, 2010

Doing What I Don't Want To Do!!

As many of you know I am having surgery on Monday to put in a trial spinal cord stimulator to block the pain caused by Neuropathy in both legs.  The thought of being able to smother the blow torches that reside in my legs and feet with substantial pain relief sounds like pure heaven to me!  Walking to the bathroom in the morning without waddling like a duck would also be a pretty cool perk.  Another incredibly appealing thing about the upcoming pain relief is that I can finally get back to some beautiful, long walks with my dog.  Did I say long??  I can also finally begin training for another half marathon which I have been unable to do for quite some time.. One of my favorite things in the world is hiking the Boone Fork Trail outside of Blowing Rock, and I would be able to get back up on the mountain and hike my little heart out!!  All of this is GREAT!  Really great!!!  So what's the problem you ask?

Well, the problem is, I don't WANT to go through the surgery.  I have to be awake for it.  No anesthesia!  None, nada, zip, zero as my 9 year old nephew would say as quickly as he can get the words out!  Now of course there is a valid reason for no anesthesia, but I don't care!!  I do not want to be awake for this surgery!!  If I am not awake however, then the Dr. will have no way of knowing where the pain is being blocked.  In other words, I can direct the Dr. where to put the leads by telling him whether the pain is being blocked or not.  The TOTAL effectiveness of this spinal cord stimulator DEPENDS on MY feedback to the Dr. DURING the operation!  Wow!!  Did you catch that?  The total effectiveness of this spinal cord stimulator depends on my feedback to the Dt. during the operation!  Let's re-word this sentence for just a minute. . .
The TOTAL effectiveness of my journey of lifestyle change DEPENDS on MY feedback to MYSELF DURING the journey! 

Just like the upcoming surgery, I simply have to be PRESENT

I CAN still exercise even if I don't want to!
I CAN eat healthier choices even when I WANT ice cream instead!
I CAN learn to be PRESENT in my own life, concerning my own feelings and regarding my own needs!

If I choose to do all these things, then I will see the goals of lifestyle change realized!  I will walk the dog, I will climb the mountain, I will loose the extra body weight, I will wear a smaller size clothing, I will train for the half marathon, I will. . . .  .   .    .     .      .       .         . (Put whatever you like right here!)

There is no greater way to get connected to one's self than by being present in one's life!.  Have a great week folks! 


orcalover said...

I love what you said. I am the youngest of three children and rarely had to do what I didn't want to do. Eating whatever I want is how I get what I want when I want it. It is my way of deceiving myself into thinking I am getting what I want. However I am not really getting what I want because I want to feel healthy and not carry all this weight around. It is uncomfortable. I am willing to do something I don't like in order to get what I do like. Thank you for letting me see what I was doing. I will make an effort to eat a carrot instead of a donut:)

orcalover said...

Julie I will be thinking of you on monday and would love to join you on a hike one of these days. I love you julie.

Frances said...

WOW! It does hit us like a hammer sometimes. SO - I will CHOOSE to BE PRESENT and FEEL THE PAIN so that I can get PAST THE PAIN and MOVE ON in my LIFESTYLE JOURNEY. Can't wait to hike the Boone Fork with you soon. My cabin is waiting for a spend-the-night party afterwards! And I'd love to show you some other great waterfalls hiking in the area. Watching those college boys jump over the lip of Harper Falls will get your heart cardio-pumping! tee-hee

kindra said...

Oh my! This was an awesome reminder if it's to be, it's up to me! For me, being responsible for everyone but myself has been a way of life for too long. What a great reminder that I am responsible for me and get to make my choices one way or the other. Whatever my choices, the consequences will follow. I loved this blog and love you even more, Julie! You are in my prayers for a successful surgery!! Wow, some of the best things in life require pain to get better. It's a pain to eat healthy and exercise for me, but the result is worth it! I'm worth it!

eilene said...

Julie, thank you for your tremendous example of courage, optimism, and faith. I so admire the way you tackle a 'situation'. It reminds me of the t-shirts that my son used to wear....NO FEAR. Like you say in group, "take the fear with you, and do it anyway". I would love to join you on a hike one day, as well. I will praying on Monday AM for your surgery. Love you.