Recognizing Choices

Why is it so hard to believe that there is any space between ALL and NOTHING. Black or white.  Night or day.  Why is it also so hard to believe that middle ground is where the battles are won.  Where success is found.  Where peace from this raging racket of emotional overeating resides and where lasting lifestyle change can be achieved.  This week in HOPE we talked about the power of choices.  When I have that feeling of being trapped, I can know that it's a symptom of codepndency.  It might sound like this; "I have to take him" or "I'll always be overweight" or "I have to say yes".  I can know with certainty that I am choosing NOT to choose.  Even when I feel like there are no choices (the all or nothing place), there are always choices.  Always.  Those choices are what lead us into the middle ground where health and wellness can be found.  I am striving for progress, not perfection.  I am striving for better.  Better is found in the middle ground, which is the very ground that lasting lifestyle change occurs.  Watch out for the rocks and cliffs of all or nothing, and walk towards the safer middle ground where you can see the choices of your life!

The tool this week is:
a. What choices on your journey of lifestyle change seem to be the hardest to maintain?
b. What would create consistency for you?
c. What would block consistency for you and why?

HOPE Lifestyle - Fitness was just wonderful this week.  Laura Trumbull did an amazing job of leading us in dance fitness for the hour.  I'm not sure the last time we all had so much fun together!! 

HOPE Lifestyle - Nutrition
Here is a note from Christiane who leads our HOPE Lifestyle - Nutrition class:

Thinking ahead.....

Next week we have a great HOPE Lifestyle - Nutrition class.  This is a nutrition class where I will help simplify the complicated world of nutrition in a manner that give you the tools for success.  It will typically be in a discussion form. We will touch upon things like portion control, journaling, preparation and other items which will be classes to come in the next few months.  I HOPE to see you all there.

For your calendars ahead......
Feb 4 - Preparation: The Keys to Success
Feb 18 - Portion Control and Journaling
March 4 - Dining Out
March 18 - Recipe's and Tasting
April 1 - Smoothie's

This is your class, so please feel free to let us know if there is something you would like more information on.  We can certainly fulfill your needs.

Q and A with Christiane Matey (We will post the question and answer each week on the blog)

 

Here is a place for you all to ask away, anything you can think of that I can help with your lifestyle change.  I also want to extend my email for those who may have a more private question, mateychristiane@gmail.com.  You can email anytime. 

Intentions, Motives and Truth

We had a wonderful start of the New Year in the HOPE Program!  We began our 2015 session talking about three things to consider as our new year begins to unfold. 

*Last year has passed, and we can learn many lessons from our disappointments and gain momentum from our accomplishments. This is a new year, with all the hopes and dreams available to each one of us.  Now is the time to set INTENTIONS in order to achieve the very things we would like to occur in our lives.

*Human behavior is almost always motivated by unseen needs that move us into action.  Physical needs are easier to understand than emotional needs, however just as important and powerful.  Understanding underlying MOTIVES are extremely important on the journey of lifestyle change.  Take time to identify the need behind the behavior.

*And lastly, let's take time to see how far our roots go into TRUTH.  If our roots go into the soil of shame, blame and co-dependency (our thinking), then it will produce the same in our emotions which dictates our behavior.  If our roots are growing into the rich soil of love, acceptance and healing, it will produce healthy fruit (our behavior) in our lives as well.  This is a good time to look at the fruit that our lives are producing and be willing to till the soil.

TOOL:  What are you going to sew into your soil that will add health to it?

Also, Christiane introduced us to our new extra hour that follows HOPE from 1p - 2p.  It is called HOPE Lifestyle, and will alternate with nutrition one week and then fitness the next week.  She will be with us the 1st and 3rd Wednesday of the month helping us with the nutrition piece on our journey. On the fitness weeks, which will be the 2nd and 4th Wednesday of the month, our instructor will be Laura Trumbull.  Here is a small introduction on both of the women that we are so blessed to have instructing us in HOPE Lifestyle. 

 

Christiane Matey HOPE Lifestyle - Nutrition

Christiane Matey has a degree A.S., Culinary Arts from The Culinary Institute of America  and B.S., Dietetics from Kansas State University.  Christiane has been in the restaurant industry her whole life cooking from New York City, Boston to London.  She is a private chef and wellness coach for her own practice The Fit Chef and works now at the Harris YMCA with HOPE Lifestyle - Nutrition.

Laura Trumbull HOPE Lifestyle - Fitness

Laura had weight and eating issues at one time and is VERY excited about working HOPE Lifestyle - Fitness. She teaches many different FUN dance and fitness formats, from chair aerobics and other chair exercises, DISCOrobics, Zumba and Bellydancing, as well as strength, low impact and a little Yoga. She will meet each one of us right where we are and will talk to us the first session to see what will be helpful to each of us in terms of the fitness piece of our journey 

 

Christiane was absolutely great! She has interesting information and the way she delivers it includes us all in the conversation. Here is her summary of the first HOPE Lifestyle class:

Today we discussed new year’s intentions and how to focus on making small changes. When we focus on the big picture our intentions become unattainable. For example, I want to lose 60 pounds. Sure, that can be done but how.It is especially important that we focus on baby steps. Changing something about your diet like eating fish 2 times a week or parking further from the store can make a difference over the course of a few months. Another intention towards losing weight could be cooking more at home or eating more often but smaller meals. A good way to look at this is that 1 pound of body fat = 3500 calories. That means finding 500 calories a day for one week by either swapping out beef for fish or parking further from the Y can help you lose a pound a week. Keeping intentions attainable and realistic is a recipe for success.

 

New Year New Outlook

Great new changes for 2015!!  This is what we can look forward to:

-          HOPE will no longer be on Tuesday’s starting January we will meet on Wednesday’s from 12:00 – 1:00.  We also have Thursday as well 6:00 – 7:00 pm.
-          We are adding an additional hour called HOPE Lifestyle.  Just like it sounds all the tools to help with lifestyle change, fitness, food and nutrition.   Lifestyle will follow HOPE group on Wednesday’s from 1:00-2:00 pm in the conference room.
-          Starting January 1^st dues will be on auto withdrawal per the YMCA’s programming policies.  For the first time in 13 years the dues will increase.  It will be $30.00 a month for members and $60.00 a month for non-members.  This fee includes any and all attendances of HOPE and HOPE Lifestyle.
-          As always we welcome past participants and new comers to our group.  We have a lot of exciting things happening at HOPE.

Let me take this opportunity to introduce you to Christiane Matey who will be leading out HOPE Lifestyle program.  Some of you may have already had the pleasure to get to know her.  But, for those of you who have not, I strongly encourage you to meet this wonderful blessing that fell on our lap.  Here is a something to whet you whistle until you can experience some of her genuine warmness, compassion for others and her incredible talent regarding food and nutrition for yourself;
Julie: I understand you too have struggled with emotional overeating and obesity.  Tell me a bit about that.
Christiane: I started to overeat emotionally after several traumatic events happened when I was 8.  I always loved food but it became unhealthy at that time.  I didn’t realize I had an issue until I stepped on the scales at 12 and discovered I was 220 pounds and a size 18.  I went on Weight Watchers with my Aunt and lost 140 pounds.  That began my roller coaster ride of emotional over eating.  I would lose 40 pounds then gain 60 pounds and on and on. 
Julie:  What finally turned things around for you?
Christiane: I got tired of the ride.  I went to therapy and a nutritionist who set me on the right path and taught me lifestyle change.
Julie: What is your intention for HOPE Lifestyle?
Christiane: I want to give people the tools to create lasting lifestyle change.
Julie: What are a few examples of what one would see in HOPE Lifestyle?
Christiane: We are starting off the year talking about New Year’s resolutions.  Then we will talk about nutrition, some fun personal fitness classes for us as a group and food tastings.

As you can tell the New Year holds much for us to look forward to.  We HOPE that you will be a part of our new year!

Blessings and a wonderful Christmas season!
Julie

Appreciating myself and removing that victim mentality

Learning to appreciate myself?  That sounds like a tall order!  Last week Michelle led the group as they talked about this topic.  Many of us have learned to be our own worst critic.  Many of us have learned to walk through life constantly apologizing for ourselves.  Many of us have learned to believe that we are less valuable than others.   Enough of that ladies!  Each one of us has a right and a responsibility to be ourselves.  We each have a purpose and an intention for our life!  We are worthy, valuable and talented with innate abilities that are specific to us.  The more we can begin to recognize the qualities and abilities that make us unique, the more we can truly begin to appreciate ourselves.  The tool for last week was:

• Define 5 things you appreciate about yourself.  Define "appreciate".

"Don't others see how much I'm hurting?" Can't they see I need help?" and "don't they care?".  How many times have I uttered these very sentences.  The issue is not whether others see or care, the issue is whether I see and care.  The reason we point fingers at others, waiting for them to have compassion on us, is because we have not yet fully acknowledged or accepted our pain or taken responsibility for it.  We have not reached the point of caring about ourselves and have taken the stance of a victim.  It is our responsibility to have compassion for ourselves.  In fact, that is the first step toward self-responsibility, self-care and change!  The tool this week is:

• How has someone else defined you?  How did or how could you redefine yourself?  

Have a great week ladies.  Let me just say one more time, in case I have not said it lately . . . you are the smartest women I know!  Keep up the excellent work!

3 essentials of lasting lifestyle change

The breakout sentence from our nugget on self care two weeks ago was this: "The most powerful and positive impact we can have on other  people is accomplished by taking responsibility for ourselves, and allowing others to be responsible for themselves."  I cannot yell AMEN loud enough!  We have all found ourselves in this position at one time or another, most of us however do not recognize the terribly high price we pay for such behavior.  "We cannot simultaneously set a boundry and take care of another person's feelings.  It's impossible because the two behaviors contradict each other."  Self care is imperative on this journey of lasting lifestyle change.  It is good to care about people and their feelings.  It is essential to care about ourselves too.  The tool for this week was:

• Name all the self care behaviors you displayed this week.

Last week we moved on to a conversation about the importance of accepting who I am.  Many have struggled with knowing who they are because for years they have been so submerged into the needs of others.  Being who I am, right now, right where I am, is not a limiting attitude.  Accepting and loving myself is how I enable growth and change.  If you are not sure of who you are, I encourage you to enjoy the exciting discovery.  The tool for this week:

• Sift and big pan of dirt, with gold buried in it.  When the dirt falls out, determine what you are not.  What does the dirt represent in your life that is not you?  When all the dirt is sifted out, what is left is the chunk of gold.  That is YOU!  Finding out who you're not will show you who you are. 

Today we talked about one of the most important issues we face on this journey is learning to trust ourselves.  The most detrimental thing that has happened to us is that we came to believe we couldn't trust ourselves.  Self-trust is a healing gift we can give ourselves.  We can learn it again.  I know what is best for me.  I know what is right for me.  I can trust that God will lead me in the times that I am not sure.

• Fear, doubt and confusion.  Why are these three the enemies of self trust?

Self-control (yuk, not my fav topic!)

Yikes!  I don't know about you guys, but that word causes me to tighten up a bit and think of that other word that makes me cringe. . .d i s c i p l i n e!  Last Tuesday we talked about this topic as it relates to lifestyle change and as you can imagine, it clearly relates.  As we read the nugget, this sentence in particular jumped out at me. 

"Lack of self-control is equal to irresponsibility." 

Nothing like hitting the nail on the head! Lack of restraint and lack of responsibilty will lead to consequences.  On this journey we are on to have lasting change, we have the power to practice self-control.  And in this case, I will have to practice. . .and practice. . .and practice self control!

God, help me today as I practice self-control and responsibility in my life.  Help me to do for myself what You have equipped me to do.

TOOL:

1)  Where in your life do you control your actions? Why?

2) Where in your life do you not control your actions? Why not?

It's all about me. . .

"Whoa!  That sounds SO selfish!"  That is the first thing we think when we begin talking about putting ourselves first.  Of course everything has a context and in context to lifestyle change, the concept of self care is paramount.  It is simply not selfish to take care of myself and my needs. Part of the concept of self care is determining what and who we allow in our space.  Two weeks ago before the snow, we talked about this concept using the analogy of life's theater and who we allow in the seats right next to us in the front row, who we allow behind us and who we ask to sit clear in the back of the life's theater.

For many many years, I just didn't realize that I was the one who had the right, power and responsibility to choose who would be near me in my life.  Now I understand that if someone is not safe or emotionally healthy, then I can choose to not have them sit right next to me or I can even ask them to leave my theater!  Many of us feel stuck in our own life's theater with difficult, unhealthy and unsafe people in many of the seats right next to us.   For our own health and well-being, it is necessary to have conversations with these folks expressing how we feel, our needs and ultimately where we would like them to sit in our life's theater,  Using "I" statements is the most healthy and beneficial way in which to do this.  The more healthy I become on this journey of lasting lifestyle change, the more it is OK with me to have some people sit in the back row of my life.  I realize that around these folks I tend to revert back to my "old co-dependent self" and all the unhealthy behaviors that it entails.

God, thank you that your love gives me permission to be my own best friend, before I am anyone elses.  Help me understand that self care is not selfish and is necessary, in order for me to give back to others in a healthy, meaningful way. 
 
TOOL:
Who needs to be placed in the front row of your life's theater, in the middle and in the back?  What will it take to put them there? What repercussions might you face as you change the seating in your theater?

Feelings. . .nothing more than feelings. . .

One of the most foundational truths we talk about in HOPE is feelings.  For so many years I stuffed my feelings that I didn't even know how to begin to allow myself to feel.  When I stopped using food to stuff them down, they began to pop up without much effort on my part.  The second thing I had to negotiate was how to express these feelings in a healthy way that works for me.  Learning these things definitely takes time and patience and a willingness to continue on the journey of lifestyle change.  Today we talked about this journey in terms of being on a treasure hunt.  One of the treasures we are looking for is the emotional part of ourselves that we may have spent years suppressing. Feelings are simply information that tells us what we need.  Nothing more, nothing less.  While some feelings are more uncomfortable than others, they cannot be looked at as either good or bad.  It doesn't serve me well to judge my feelings.  In fact, your feelings ARE a treasure and a wonderful part that has been wired into you from your birth. Enjoy your treasure hunt this week!  Just remember to keep this attitude in your heart as you go excavating - I will not judge myself for what I'm feeling, I will appreciate my God-given gift of my emotions. 

TOOL:
"We are on a continual treasure hunt on the journey of lifestyle change"

a) Why are your emotions a treasure?

b) What are the other treasure that you will find on this journey?

Healthy vs. Unhealthy FEARS

Let me start this week by sharing a few things regarding the tool from last week.  As you recall, the 2nd part of the tool asked the question "what other treasures are you seeking on the journey of lifestyle change?"  The answers shared by everyone in group this week were just amazing and inspiring, reminding me personally of why I continue on this journey.  Here is the list of treasures:

• To strive for peace
• To try new things
• To be wholly and completely who I was created to be and take risks
• To be flexible
• To have boundaries
• To lean in toward middle ground
• To build trust in myself
• To use my voice
• To offer forgiveness
• To accept myself right where I am
• To practice honesty

I intend on keeping this list on my refrigerator as a reminder of the incredible treasures that will continue to unfold as I grow.  This conversation led us into the nugget for this week.  We talked about fear, an emotion many of us have walked in for many years.  Fear is at the core of codependency.  It can motivate us to control people or situations and to neglect ourselves. 

At some point in our lives, we may have relied on fear to protect ourselves much the way soldiers in war rely on fear to help them survive.  Many of us have been afraid for so long that we don't label our feelings as "fear" anymore and it begins to feel normal.  But now, on the journey of lifestyle change, we are choosing to live differently.  We don't have a need for that much fear anymore. We can thank our old fears for helping us survive, then kiss them goodbye!  We can welcome peace, trust, acceptance and safety into our space as we learn to listen to our rational fears while letting go of the rest.

God, help me let go of my need to be afraid and replace it with a need to be at peace.

TOOL: (There is an addition below to the tool you received in group this week)

1) What is the difference between rational and irrational fears? 

2) How can you identify them in your own life?

Choosing to. . . Choose!

Today we had an awesome group that included folks who had been in HOPE years past and came back to join us and newcomers who have started their journey with us recently.  Together we make a wonderful group of women who are at different places in this hard fought journey called lasting lifestyle change! Today we talked about choice.  I'm not sure there is much that's more foundational to this journey than understanding that I have a choices. Choices about my job, my relationships, my weight, my health, my spiritual path and any other topic that you'd like to add to this list.  Feeling trapped in something is a symptom of codependency and is simply an illusion. I am not controlled by circumstances, the past, expectations of others or unrealistic expectations of myself.  I have choices and when I hear myself say "I don't have a choice" . . .  then I am CHOOSING not to choose.  Not choosing locks me into feeling like a victim with no control, feeling like I must control everything or feeling like I am responsible for taking care of everyone.  Hear the "all or nothing" in that?? It will never serve me well.  Ever. 

Lifestyle change is NOT about behaving perfectly or according to anyone elses rules.  More than anything else, lifestyle change is about knowing we have choices and giving ourself the freedom to choose.

TOOL: 
a)  What choices on the journey of lifestyle change seem to be the hardest to maintain?

b)  What would create consistency for you?

c)  What would block consistency for you?  Why?

Intention in 2014

Oh how I love that word!  Especially when it relates to my own life and my journey towards growth and change.  We had an awesome discussion in group today about the difference between the words "goal" and "intention".  Intention seems to have some built in grace and some forward momentum and direction.  Goal seems to leave room for disappointment and at times the inability to obtain or accomplish that goal.  With intention, I can continue with forward momentum while adjusting my aim, purpose or objective.  It really was a rich discussion in the difference in the words and just how powerful vernacular can be in our lives.

As this week, month and year unfolds, I encourage you to appreciate the importance of intention in your life.  What would you like to have happen in your life this year?  What particular areas of growth would you like to see?  What blocks would you like to have removed? 

The new year stands before us like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written.  We can help write the story.  Intention can become the internal plum-line on the journey towards health and wellness in 2014.     

TOOL:
What does "intention" mean to you?  How does it relate to your journey of lifestyle change?  What is YOUR intention?  How will you get there?

Food

 

 

I received this in an email from a friend.  I hope you ponder on the thought like I did.  Have a nice weekend ladies and remember, YOU are the smartest people I know!!

 

 

Soul-sickness

The last few weeks worth of conversations in HOPE have been not only interesting but quite thought provoking.  We talked about those old-time feelings that return from time to time on our journey of lifestyle change. When we begin to feel unworthy, victimized, helpless, and resentful again, we can know we have slipped back into codependency, a condition also known as soul-sickness. Sandy calls it "notgoodenoughitis"!  I love that.  The good news is that it doesn't mean we are back to square one on lifestyle change. It simply means we need to use the tools we have learned to help us out of the dark, muddy, pit of codependency.  KT shared a story when one of her children was stuck in a deep mud pit.  Her husband grabbed their son and pulled him so hard to get him out, that he pulled the child right out of his tennis shoes which both remained buried deep in the mud.  What behaviors do you need to leave buried in the pit of codependency as you pull yourself out?  The tool for this week:  How do you get out of the deep dark pit of codependency?  How did you get there?  How can you miss the pit next time? 

Two weeks ago we talked about using others to create our happiness or stop our pain.  Many of us have waited for someone else to make us happy or waited so long for someone to stop the pain we were in. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim.  That beautifully wrapped gift of well-being is one that I give myself. I am totally responsible for it!  While it is true that if someone steps on my foot they are hurting me and therefore holds the power to stop the pain by getting of my foot, it is totally my pain and my responsibility to tell the person to get off my foot!  The tool for this week:  Draw a gift with a tag that says To: (your name) and From: (your name).  Now name the gift that you would like to give yourself.  We had some awesome answers to this one in group.  Oh what freedom comes when we realize that we are responsible for our own well-being!

Last week the nugget was titled "Perfection".  That word makes most of us squirm because either we are striving to achieve it or because we feel so far from it.  Striving for perfection leaves us in that "all or nothing" wasteland, and feeling far from perfection leaves us shaming ourselves for not being good enough.  It can also become an excuse to do nothing.  Perfection is impossible unless we reframe that word and think of it in a new way.  Perfection is accepting and loving who we are and accepting where we are today.  Nothing good comes from perfectionist behaviors and everything good comes from accepting and loving who I am.  Then and only then can I change where I am and have lasting lifestyle change.  The tool last week:  name a perfectionist behavior that you indulge in on your journey of lifestyle change. Define indulge.

This week we will chew on taking risks, and even being willing to fail, which is the very thing that will lead us out of perfectionism.  Should be interesting. Hope to see you on Tuesday or Thursday this week!      

A New Time for HOPE!

Happy Spring everybody!  I have some new and exciting news for the H.O.P.E Program.  We have decided to change the time for the Tuesday group from 10AM - 11AM to 12PM - 1PM.  We have met on Tuesdays at 10AM for 10 years, but for several reasons we are moving to the lunch time hour so some folks who work will now be able to join us over that hour.  Here is the H.O.P.E. schedule
beginning on April 16th: (This week we will meet at 10AM on Tuesday)

Tuesdays from 12PM - 1PM
Thursdays from 6PM - 7PM

The last several weeks we have had some deep and interesting conversation about trusting ourselves, empowering ourselves, getting our needs met and last week that led us into the topic of learning to appreciate ourselves.  Notice the theme of these last many weeks?  It's all about me!  All these nuggets are focused on me, myself and I! The only way to make lasting progress on the journey of lifestyle change is to remove my focus from others and return it to me. Notice I said "return" it.  Focusing on everyone elses needs to my own detriment is a learned behavior.  And for those of us on this journey, the cost can be very high. 

As we chewed over the topic of trusting ourselves, we realized that one of the most harmful things that has happened to us was that we came to believe that we could not trust ourselves.  Self-trust is a healing gift we can give ourselves.  How?  We learn it!  The tool on this week was to identify a place of shame in your life and then identify what compassion would say to that shame. 

The next week we talked about empowering ourselves.  Part of empowering ourselves is understanding what drives our behavior.  When we react to something, we are coming from a child place with little control over our emotions.  When we respond to something, we are coming from an adult place taking responsibility for our emotions and the need that they are pointing to.  The tool on this week was to define react and respond and share an experience where you reacted and one where you responded, and what you felt during both. 

The following week we talked about getting our needs met.  You can see the flow of the nuggets through these weeks.  We had a great discussion on how feelings identify a need.  Nothing more, nothing less, so we do not need to be afraid of feeling.  When we close our eyes to a need in our life, we close our arms to its fulfilment.  The tool on this week was to identify 3 feelings you've had throughout the week and then identify what the need is, then finally how to meet that need. 

Then last week we talked about learning to appreciate ourselves.  Although we have walked through most of our lives apologizing for ourselves - directly or indirectly and feeling that we were less valuable than others, believing that others are meant to be here and we are not.  It is time for that to stop!  We gave a copy of the nugget to each person last week and encouraged them to repeat these truths to themselves outloud. 
* We have a right and a responsibility to be here.
* We have a right and a responsibility to be ourselves.
*We are worthy and deserving.
The tool last week was to write how you feel about this sentence.  "I am the greatest thing that will ever happen to me" -Codependent No More.  Also, how can you validate yourself?

This week we will talk about what to do when those old-time feelings begin to creep back in. 

Enjoy your week. You truly are the smartest wowan I have ever known!  EVER!

    

Emotional Convalescence

We have had some awesome conversation over the last few weeks about emotional convalescence (healing from emotional pain that drives unhealthy behaviors) and learning to accept who we are, including a painful past, so that we can begin to change where we are.  We started two weeks ago by picking out the verbs or action words from the following quote to see what part we are responsible for in our own healing:

"Learn not to grow impatient with the slow healing process of time.  We need to discipline ourselves to recognize that there are many steps to be taken along the highway leading from sorrow (and shame)to renewed serenity (and peace) . . . We need to anticipate these stages in our emotional convalescence; unbearable pain, poignant grief, empty days, resistance to consolation, disinterestedness in life, gradually giving way . . . to the new weaving of a pattern of action and the acceptance of the irresistible challenge of life."  Joshua Loth Leibman

I just LOVE that quote!  So full of truthful nuggets for me to sink my teeth in to, or better yet, sink my thoughts in to!  Lifestyle change is a process.  It's a gradual process, a healing process, and a spiritual process - a journey rather than a destination.  It's in the  journey that we learn this new weaving of a pattern of action and the acceptance of the irresistible challenge of life.

Last week we continued the rich discussion on what it means to accept ourselves.  Many of us have stuffed and numbed our feelings for so long that we really aren't sure of who we are at all.  Valid point.  Many of us feel so much shame about ourselves that it impacts our behaviors in such unhealthy ways.  Another valid point!  We compared it to walking around in life wearing a pair of glasses that are the wrong prescription and has numerous smudges all over the lenses.  Of course both of these issues would affect my ability to interact with the world around me.  If the curb looked far away but was actually right in front of me, I would trip and probably fall.  My wrong prescription did not reflect reality.  That is exactly what happens to us when we believe things about ourselves that are not true (smudges and wrong prescriptions) and operate under wrong and unhealthy messages.  An example that we talked about is if I believe that I am unworthy of taking care of myself, then I will not eat well, rest well, make time for fitness or any other number of things.  The journey of lifestyle change is a wonderful way to become aware of some of these "smudges" and "wrong prescriptions" that have caused us to repeat unhealthy behaviors that do not serve us well.  The tool last week was to identify some of the smudges that are on your lenses and how that particular smudge impacts your behavior on your journey of lifestyle change.

This week we talked about taking care of ourselves; not an easy thing for most of us to do.  Again, what we believe about ourselves will certainly determine how, or if, we take care of ourselves.  We have to be connected to ourselves and our feelings to know what we need.  That leads to the tool for this week since the highlighted sentence and the tool are extremely connected.  List a few REAL needs that you have this week and a few MANUFACTURED needs that you have this week.  The following is an example
"I need some ice cream because I only got three hours sleep and I'm so exhausted = MANUFACTURED NEED.
"I need to rest now and will go to bed early tonight because I only got three hours sleep last night" =  REAL NEED.

Enjoy your weekend and I look forward to seeing you all next week.  And if I haven't told you lately, you truly are the smartest people I know!  Keep up the awesome work in group . . .
   

Thursday Night H.O.P.E. group returns!

I am excited to announce that we will be starting the H.O.P.E. Program's Thursday evening group on:

                        Thursday - February 14th from 6pm - 7pm

We have had many request for the Thursday evening group and I am thrilled that we are now able to offer it.  I would also like to make everyone aware of the fact that I will be having foot surgery in the beginning of March which will prevent me from facilitating H.O.P.E. for several weeks.  I am so happy to tell you that our own group member of many years, Sandy Welfare, has graciously agreed to facilitate during my absence.  Sandy is quite qualified as she has completed her Master's degree in Christian ministries with a minor in counseling.  Her years as a H.O.P.E. participant gives her a clear insight into the journey of lasting lifestyle change.  We are also still looking for the right person to fill the role of our H.O.P.E Therapist.  We will continue to interview applicants and will have the prospective thereapist sit in with us in group.  We are hopeful that we're getting close to finding just the right person!

This week we talked about the debilitating effects of shame in out lives and on our journey of lifestyle change.  When we operate out of a shame place in our life, it impacts every choice we make, and disrupts our ability to see things from a healthy perspective.  The message of shame never changes; it is "I am bad" or "I am unworthy".  Shame truly is mud to the soul!  We talked about learning to identify and name the shame in our lives.  Loving and accepting who we are will then enable us to change where we are.  The tool this week came out of our conversation about shame.

TOOL:
How can my shame be tied to my lack of motivation?  

Street Signs for the Journey

Hi everybody!  Well I'm back to blogging again and have decided to blog a little bit each week so that I can include the weekly tool for those who missed group and would like to have it.  This week we talked about goals. Goals simply give us direction in our lives and that is exactly what we are looking for in lifestyle change.  Direction.  Direction towards health and wellness and wholeness. As we think about our goals for the upcoming weeks and months, we can look for signs that will tell us if we are heading toward our goals.  When my goal was to go hiking and camping in Montana, I followed every single sign that pointed toward Glacier, Montana.  The signs that told me where I was and if  I was on the right path where extremely important.  It is the same with our journey of lifestyle change.  What are the signs that you're seeing on your journey?  What are the signs telling you about where you are on the path towards your goals? 

The new year stands before us, like a book waiting to be written.  We can help write that story by setting goals.

The tool: 
Write the title of each of the 12 chapters of your book.  You can be creative in naming these chapters and what they represent for the goals that will give direction to the next 12 months of your life.

I look forward to seeing each of you next week.  We will be talking about choices and honing our ability to recognize them. Have a great weekend! 

Change

Hi Everybody!  I hope you all had a good summer and, like me, I'm sure you are ready for some cooler weather.  It was a difficult summer for me as I have been healing from another deep loss in the death of my precious mother at the end of April.  Thank you again for all the love and support that you showered on me over the past couple of months. 

Change. 

That is the reason most folks show up here at H.O.P.E.  To change something.  Change is inevitable and can be very painful at times.  Change can also inspire excitement and anticipation.  The H.O.P.E program has experienced a great deal of change in the past several months as well.  We have lost two long-time and very committed group members, Gayle Hall and Eilene Sheppard, both having died within months of each other.  We have also lost our awesome and beloved therapist, Amy, to full-time work, which better served her family.  We will find another therapist that we all adore and who is well suited for our group.  We know this because we have found ourselves in that position before, where we wondered if we would ever find another therapist that was as well-suited for our program as she was. As most of you know, we ended up finding Amy, who we all just adored, after just such a change!

The best news about change, is that when one door closes, another one opens, or a window opens, or the roof comes off or we dig under the house to get in or .   .   .   .   .   .  Change always provides room for many opportunities, new personal growth, many lessons to learn and a different path on which to walk.  Part of the human experience is to experience change.  People die, husbands get transferred to new cities, children grow up and go to college and health issues arise.  While resistance to change is natural, I learned a few things about change in general when I experienced lifestyle change many years ago. This has served me well as I have recently experienced profound change personally and as the H.O.P.E. program has also experienced change.

* Resisting change seems to be a knee-jerk reaction.  It's natural, however once I realize that I am resisting and swimming upstream, I stop trying to control that which I cannot control and I let go and ride the current.
* Support is essential and necessary for me when I am in the midst of change, whether the change was my choice or not.
* Staying anchored to the Truth is super helpful to me.  In times of big change, I can get uncertain, anxious, and afraid.  This is when some of the "old and dysfunctional" tapes begin to play in my head.  If I challenge that racket with Truth, I win. Always.
*Life is messy and I don't need to know how to clean it up.  I do need to know how to take care of myself and I do need to know how to use my voice.  Both lessons I learned during times of change and both I will carry the rest of my life.
*Being intentional about staying in the moment or at least in the day! I have spent SO MUCH of my life either bemoaning the past or fearing the future. Change requires being in now.
*I must be willing to feel.  The more I stuff my emotions, the larger my body becomes.  I know that truth, so I must be willing to feel, and with change comes an assortment of feelings!


H.O.P.E. took a break for the summer and we are about ready to start H.O.P.E. for fall and winter 2012. Following is our upcoming schedule.  Welcome to the new folks.  Welcome to the longtime group members.  You are in for some good, challenging and thought provoking curriculum.  I am looking forward to experiencing change, lifestyle change, with each one of you.  God bless you and I will see you soon!

September 18th and September 25th -  FREE H.O.P.E. Open House will meet on both of these Tuesdays from 10:00am - 11am in the Large Conference room.  It will be an open house for all the new folks that are interested and for the regulars to get back into group spirit.  We will have a group ice breaker and a time of sharing H.O.P.E.'s goals and objectives. For the new folks, you will have an opportunity to see what it is that we do here in H.O.P.E.  Some of you regular H.O.P.E. attenders will be awesome at sharing your experience with new folks.  I think you all will enjoy what we have planned on these two Tuesdays whether you are new and just checking us out or if you are a regular longtime group member!

October 2nd thru the end of 2012 - H.O.P.E. will officially start back after summer hiatus and will run every Tuesday from 10am - 11am until the end of this year.

Welcome Back!

OK, so I fell out of the habit of blogging every week, and the next thing you know it's been a month!  I'm back!  First, I would like to invite all H.O.P.E. participants who can stay after group tomorrow and join us for lunch, please plan to do so.  We will not meet again until next year! 


I would like to spend this time expressing my gratitude for the H.O.P.E. program participants who so courageously and openly share themselves, week after week, accomplishing the work of lifestyle change.  I am so proud of each and every one of you, and commend you for your honesty, committment, perseverence and love and respect for each other.  I learn from you every week.  You inspire me to keep putting one foot in front of the other when I am struggling.  You come to group not only to receive, but to give all that you have.  Yourselves.  Thank you.  You ARE the H.O.P.E. program and all that it entails.  You are the best, the brightest, the hardest working, the most beautiful and the joy of my heart. 


To the smartest people I know, may the joy of Jesus, the Christ, invade your hearts this season, and may you experience personally, a life changing relationship with the One who would come as a little baby on a cold morning in a country far away to bring HOPE to a dark world.  God bless you all and Merry Christmas. 

Foundation up!

I learned the hard way a long time ago that the foundation of anything is a pretty important part of it.  I was probably 12 years old and I had been to a week long day camp and just adored one of the counselors who had been very kind to me when some of the kids were mean about my weight.  She truly made such a difference in my life with her kindness and the daily encouraging words she offered to me.  So at the end of the week, it was decided that we would get together the following weekend and have a little farewell party.   I decided that I would build her a very special wishing well made out of popsicle sticks.  I worked all week on that thing and truly, it was the coolest thing ever.  It even had a little bucket you could lower down into the well as if to get water.  I just loved that thing, however, upon my first good look at it, I found it to be as crooked as my dog's back leg.  The only way to remedy my crooked little popsicle wishing well was to remove the pieces all the way back to where the crookedness began.  And yep. . . it was all the way back at the foundation of the piece.  Aarrgggggg!! 

Boy is that an important foundational truth in life.  If you build a house on a crooked foundation, the house will lean to the right or left causing a multitude of problems.  Likewise, if you build your thought life on top of an untrue body of beliefs, then your behavior will be crooked (or unhealthy).  For that reason, it is incredibly important that we make sure our foundation is healthy.

*NOTE:  Be prepared for the lamest segway ever. . .

Speaking of healthy foundations, what's more foundational than our feet?  With the arrival of Fall and this awesome cool weather, it's a perfect time to get out and walk.  Our H.O.P.E. participants, and especially our friends who have not come in awhile, are all invited to:

"H.O.P.E. Day" at Omega Sports with Adison Edwards presenting "How fun are my feet?"
November 9th any time between 11am - 2pm. located in the Park Road Shopping Center
4271-B Park Road
Charlotte, NC, 28209
704-521-8504 

We will also be educated with gait analysis and evaluations and the best part . . . . each of us will get a nice discount on whatever we purchase from the store!  An added bonus for those who choose not to purchase anything on that day, a certificate will be given with the name, size, color and style of the shoes so that it may be purchased as a Christmas present by a loved one!  Discount included!! 

We already have about 10 coming.  It will be a great opportunity to connect and reconnect with each other while learning about the importance of treating our feet kindly.   See you in group Tuesday!