Signs

We have all been just sickened by the BP oil explosion, the loss of life and continued gushing of oil into the ocean.  The more the events unfold and information becomes available, the more we just shake our heads in disbelief.  There were warning signs before the explosion!  Several of them, we are finding out now.  Why didn't anyone listen to them??  Policies and procedures in place to prevent this from occurring.  What happened??  Greed, gluttony, excess, dollar signs. And it seems like the only thing that is motivating their behavior to find a way to stop the gushing oil are all the negative consequences.  Negative consequences??  That's the understatement of the century.  We will not fully understand the impact of this disaster until years, even decades from now.  The impact will be felt by the families of those who died, the people who make their living on the ocean, the birds and mammals, the economy, the ocean, the marine life, the beaches, the food we eat and it goes on and on.  Their deepest concern seems to be the financial consequences.  Boy does that seem to motivate change!

While BP did not deliberately cause this disaster,  they did ignore several signs that were bearing witness to the destruction to come.  Taking action when these signs first came to light might have averted this tragedy.  Also, had they followed ALL policies and procedures, it may have chnged the course of events. 

All of this sounds very familiar to me. . .uhm . . .about me!  I continued to eat, and eat and eat until I was over 400 pounds.  I induldged in excess and wanted more and more and could not satisfy my emotional hunger.  I ignored all the warning signs that my body was sending.  It took a full on health crisis for me to stop and think about what I was doing.  And the consequences for me were great.  Surgeries, medications, financial devastation and the list goes on.  I also may not know the extent of damage my prior lifestyle cost me for years to come.  Who knows, it may have shortened my life by years!  Why didn't I listen to the warnings signs.  That what the scale kept screaming at me but I choose not to even get on one for many years.  High blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, high cholestorol. . .all warning signs that we need to take action to avert a health disaster.  What motivates us into action?  It's different for all of us.  My deepest prayer for each one of us is that we take action before the consequences get too great.

Have a great weekend ladies, and take some small action toward lifestyle change.  You are worth the effort!

Shifting ground

Well as most of you know by now, we are changing some things around with the H.O.P.E. Program for the summer.  Our current thereapist Kimmie will no longer be with us after May 27th.  Please make sure and thank Kimmie for her contribution to our program while she was with us.  We will have another therapist named Amy beginning on June 8th and will be with us throught the summer.  We have decided to end the Thursday evening group after May 27th for the summer and will make a decision about starting it back in the Fall.  Also, as of this moment, I have decided to cancel the surgeries I was scehduled for in June and leave the option open to reschedule for a later date if I feel it's necessary.  The pain in my feet from the Neuropathy is much better.  In fact, I walked 3 miles yesterday and feel great today and plan on walking 3 more miles today.  I did have acupunture for pain and feel like it had a profound impact on the pain I was experiencing.  I am most, most grateful to the Lord for the relief! 

With all these changes, it can certainly feel like walking on shifting ground.  I have felt that way many times in the past several months.  What I have made a decision not to do every single time I feel like I am stumbling is to shove lots of unhealthy food down my mouth.  I made a decision to go back to the gym right in the middle of all this shifting .  I also made a decision to start a new group exercise class.  I have also talked about it with close friends.  Every now and then, not nearly as often as I used to, I will make a choice to sit and eat out of an emotional place.  It does not change the shifting, but at least I know that I know that now.  Took a long time to get there!  Thank you all for your support during this time of more transition, and for reminding me that the Anchor holds, even in the times of great movement.  My Anchor is the Truth, which is the Word of God and what that tells me about me!  It's a great reminder to us all that we can rely on the Truth, during the stable and unstable times, and that the racket never holds us or serves us well!

Have a great weekend!

She's back!

And boy am I GLAD to be back!   Now I had a wonderful time, and saw so many things I never imagined my eyes would see, but there is no place like home!  And not many who love me like that big black dog of mine!  Let me apologize to all of you who took the time to check the other blog set up for Israel, but we could not get it to work at all, and I even had several folks who were far more adept than I look at it to no avail.  I look forward to sharing some stories and pictures with you in person instead.

Israel is a beautiful country, and for me personally to walk around where Jesus lived, was crucified and resurrected was such a spiritual highlight that is hard to articulate.  The things I saw just made the Bible come alive to me.  I also got baptized in the Jordan River on my birthday.  That was very cool.  One of the most fun things I did was ride a camel.  I just wish you guys could have seen me clinging for dear life when that beast got up from a sitting position.  They get up in stages so you either fall forward and lean way back, and I mean WAY forward and WAY back!  The other really fun thing I did was float in the Dead Sea.  As heavy as I am, I just floated right on top of the water the whole time I was in it!  That was the most freaky feeling, not being able to get down into the water.  Also, it feels very silky on your skin until you wash all the salt off.  If you don't wash, you turn a bright white.  We also went to one of the seven wonders of the world which is called Petra in Jordan.  That was the most beautiful and mind boggling place I have ever seen.  What a hike that was!  The last day, I stood on Mt. Nebo which is also in Jordan and overlooked the promised land just as Moses saw it thousands of years ago. 

It was just an amazing, once in a lifetime trip, but that's not all it was.  It was also a tremendous reminder to me of the whole reason I ever wanted to loose weight and change my life in the first place.  I was so tired of watching life from the sidelines and not being engaged in life whatsoever.  This trip reminded me once again, that the hard work and effort I have put in allowed me to walk, hike, ride a camel, float in a salt sea and fly in an airplane without a seatbelt extension.  I am actually engaging in life in every way, without allowing fear or shame or doubt or anything to stop me, and that is exactly what I wanted so bad in the beginning of my lifestyle change.  I hope you are doing the same or working toward it!

Enjoy the weekend!

Satisfying my wander lust

It has been an incredibly harrowing and stressful this past week and a half!  In that time my mother almost, well, let's just say she became extremely sick and was in ICU for a week and a day, then has been moved to a regular room where she is as I write this.  She is expected to leave the hospital tomorrow to go to Rehab for a couple of weeks.  She has what the Dr. calls global weakness, the aftermath of such serious illness.  The other pressing issue this past week has been whether to go on my long planned trip to Israel or to cancel it.  After deciding not to go several times, we all decided as a family that I should go after my mother turned the corner on Friday.  Between a very sick Mom and long hospital stays and the on and off again trip, I was just about to crack on Thursday and Friday.  By Saturday the clouds moved out, the sun appeared and all is right with the world again.  Mmmm  Not!  But after much prayer and family conversation, we have all decided, including me, that I will go tomorrow on my trip to several countries, including Israel.  I have set up another blog so that my family and friends can check in on me and see pictures and hear what I've been up to.  Here is that address.  http://www.wheregodsfeettrod.blogspot.com/
Just go to that website anytime you like and I should be updating it every day or so with pictues and adventures.   

I will miss you ladies deeply.  I know you will use your time in group well until I return.  God bless each and every one of you.  I love you all and remember. . . You are the SMARTEST people I know!!  Without any doubt!!

I wanna be an eagle

As many of you know, I am in the midst of a couple of life's storms.  My mother is in ICU extremely sick and I am scheduled for several neurosurgeries.  I happened to catch this show on Animal Planet a few days ago.  It was about eagles and I found it just fascinating.  When an eagle sees a huge, dangerous lightening storm approaching from far away, he takes to the air.  He flies directly toward the storm and keeps flying until he can harldy keep even and upright, continuing toward the storm.  Right when he hits the edge of the storm, the updraft grabs him and sends him sailing straight up until he reaches the top of the storm and flies over it.  He is then in the beautiful sunshine, looking down on the storm, flying without any trouble at all.  It was one of the coolest things to see the updraft sling him up and over the storm, where he is still quite aware of the storm below him, and must still negotiate the storm until it passes, but he is not being pummeled by the winds and rain and lightening.  If the eagle did not take the updraft up and over the storm, the winds would likely injure or even kill him.  When the storm passes, he begins to fly back down to the altitude and terrain he knows. 

The question I have for you this week is the following:

How does this story relate to our journey of lifestyle change?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this, since all of us will experience storms in life. I want to be an eagle who rides the updraft of my faith up and above the storms of my life.  And maybe that was the thought of the author of this verse;

           But those who wait upon the LORD shall renew their    
               strength;
               They will mount up with wings like eagles. 
               They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not
               faint.               Isaiah 40:31  

New Life, New Passion

Spring is in the air in a big way.  The beautiful fragrant flowers and blossoming trees represent new life, coming alive after being like dead or dormant.  We are getting ready to celebrate Resurrection Sunday, Easter, and the new life available to us all through Jesus who was dead, and then rose again to new life. 

Boy is that a perfect word picture for our journey of lifestyle change.  I lived in my house, secluded, sitting on my couch watching life happen through a TV screen.  I did not participate in life whatsoever. . .intentionally.  I was unengaged with people and with life and most of all, with myself.  Then spring came!!  Then I began to awaken, I began to get connected with myself, I began to feel, I began to live and I began to engage with others, I began to allow healing, I began to live!!!  New life, new passion for life.  That is what lifestyle change has been for me.  New passion for a healthy and whole life!

Are you stuck in that dormant place of lifestyle change where there are no changes, no new life, no passion?  Maybe you are ready for change, and just gearing up for new life.  Have you found new life and in turn found your passion?  This journey of lifestyle change is filled with wonderful and challenging turns all along the way, but what it always brings is NEW LIFE!  That's why it is worth the search and the hard work, because it brings NEW LIFE.  And not just new life, but beautiful, fragrant, blossoming new life!  That's the best news of all ladies!

Enjoy your weekend.

Which comes first. . .

The chicken or the egg?  I have heard this conversation end up going in complete circles.  It reminds me of the great conversation we had in group on Tuesday but we didn't have a lot of time to really flush it all out.  I asked the following question. 

"Can you have compassion on yourself now, and not have compassion on yourself then?" 

I got two immediate answers. "Yes!" and "No!"  There are two words that I think are important to define as we begin to tackle this question.  The first one is "compassion" and the second word is "then". 

What does 'compassion' mean to you?  What does it mean in terms of how you treat yourself. . . behaviorally?  Just what exactly does compassion look like, and again I mean as far as your behavior towards yourself?  What would compassion say to you on your journey of lifestyle change now?

What does 'then' mean to you?  Does then refer to yesterday and your unhealthy eating behaviors?  Could then refer to your childhood and the coping mechanisms you learned as a child and have carried into your adulthood?  What does the behavior of compassion look like on yourself then? 

I think it is an interesting question to consider, ponder and to chew on.  What you believe about this question WILL impact your journey of lifestyle change, either in a healthy way . . . or in an unhealthy way.  Please, continue the conversation ladies.  Afterall, you ARE the smartest people I know!

I would like to end on a note of gratitude.  I could not be more grateful for the wonderful therapist that God has provided for our group.  Kimmie is already fitting in so well and has some insightful things to say that will continue to encourage and challenge us.  Thank you Kimmie for agreeing to use your gifts and talents in the midst of our H.O.P.E. Program.

OK, So I Did What I Didn't Want To Do. . .Now What?. .

I'd like to thank all of you for your cards, phone calls and well wishes!  As many of you know, the procedure did not go as expected.  It was WORSE than expected!  And on top of that, it was not effective.  The Dr. could not get the stimulator in the right position in order for me to determine if I could get any pain relief.  Instead of my feet buzzing like the stimulator was supposed to do, my ribs and waist line were buzzing.  The next step is to go to the Neurosurgeon and he will knock me out (Hallelujah!!) and go in and get rid of the adhesions that blocked the Dr. the first time around.  That will be most likely some time in April or May at the latest.  I'll keep you all posted, but in the meantime, I am healing up and feel much better  Thank you all for your encouragement and support!.

I got a phone call from an old friend, who has lost a considerable amount of weight.  She wants to begin the hard work of peeling back the layers in order to relearn some messages that have not served her well in her life!  She said something that really stuck out to me.  She said "I am ready to open myself up and expose my vulnerabilities in order to search for the answers." 

Now that is a comment from someone who is serious about lifestyle change.  Willingness.  That is the word of the day, no, let's make that the word of the entire journey!!  Willingness.  I am fully convinced that when I am willing, . . .  willing to ask the hard questions, willing to look at myself, willing to get connected again and to feel, and willing to define my own truth, an open and authentic life will follow! 

Are you willing this week?  Have a wonderful weekend ladies!

Doing What I Don't Want To Do!!

As many of you know I am having surgery on Monday to put in a trial spinal cord stimulator to block the pain caused by Neuropathy in both legs.  The thought of being able to smother the blow torches that reside in my legs and feet with substantial pain relief sounds like pure heaven to me!  Walking to the bathroom in the morning without waddling like a duck would also be a pretty cool perk.  Another incredibly appealing thing about the upcoming pain relief is that I can finally get back to some beautiful, long walks with my dog.  Did I say long??  I can also finally begin training for another half marathon which I have been unable to do for quite some time.. One of my favorite things in the world is hiking the Boone Fork Trail outside of Blowing Rock, and I would be able to get back up on the mountain and hike my little heart out!!  All of this is GREAT!  Really great!!!  So what's the problem you ask?

Well, the problem is, I don't WANT to go through the surgery.  I have to be awake for it.  No anesthesia!  None, nada, zip, zero as my 9 year old nephew would say as quickly as he can get the words out!  Now of course there is a valid reason for no anesthesia, but I don't care!!  I do not want to be awake for this surgery!!  If I am not awake however, then the Dr. will have no way of knowing where the pain is being blocked.  In other words, I can direct the Dr. where to put the leads by telling him whether the pain is being blocked or not.  The TOTAL effectiveness of this spinal cord stimulator DEPENDS on MY feedback to the Dr. DURING the operation!  Wow!!  Did you catch that?  The total effectiveness of this spinal cord stimulator depends on my feedback to the Dt. during the operation!  Let's re-word this sentence for just a minute. . .
The TOTAL effectiveness of my journey of lifestyle change DEPENDS on MY feedback to MYSELF DURING the journey! 

Just like the upcoming surgery, I simply have to be PRESENT. 

I CAN still exercise even if I don't want to!

I CAN eat healthier choices even when I WANT ice cream instead!

I CAN learn to be PRESENT in my own life, concerning my own feelings and regarding my own needs!

If I choose to do all these things, then I will see the goals of lifestyle change realized!  I will walk the dog, I will climb the mountain, I will loose the extra body weight, I will wear a smaller size clothing, I will train for the half marathon, I will. . . .  .   .    .     .      .       .         . (Put whatever you like right here!)

There is no greater way to get connected to one's self than by being present in one's life!.  Have a great week folks! 

What is a girl to do??

OK, I need your help this week pretty please!  There are several among us who are in a place that ALL of us have been.  They are in that terribly uncomfortable place where eating seems to be out of control and fitness is becoming non-existent.  We have all been in that place and most of you have heard me talk about the 30 pounds I gained after my brother died and it took me a year and a half to get my eating what I would call back in line with where I want it.  I would say the same about fitness.  It took a while for my equalibrium to return and now I feel like it has to the degree it can return after the death of a close family member.  I would like to ask each of you who can answer this.
  
   *What steps did you take to reel it in? (That means behaviors)

   *How long did it take you to feel like you were on solid ground again?

   *Do you have a "go to" trick that works every time to steer you back on the path?

This is a way to pick your brains about something that we have all been faced with at one time or another.  Believe it or not, there is a wealth of knowledge inside of each of you that will help your fellow group members more than you know.  Please take some time to think about this and share what it is that motivates you during the storm. 

Have a great week

The End or the Beginning

This Tuesday will be Cathy's last Tuesday with us as Lead Therapist of the H.O.P.E. Program.  I personally have experienced many emotions about her leaving.  I completely understand why she is leaving.  We all must make decisions that are best for us perssonally.  Did you catch that??  We ALL must make decisions that are BEST for us personally.  Now Cathy could have said "Poor Julie, what will she do without me to lead this program, especially in the evening when her eyes are half mast, so I couldn't possibly leave" or "Those sweet little participants just couldn't get throught the week without my wisdom and they might stop their journey of lifestyle change so I couldn't possibly leave" or "The YMCA has never had a program with a therapist working in it, they might get mad if I leave so I couldn't possibly leave".  I guess you get the picture.  While all those things may be true, she did not make a decision based on what she perceived others may need, she made a decision based on what she knew her needs were.  She put herself first, made a decision, and now I will make decisions that are best for me and this program.  It is the end of an era AND it is the beginning of an era.  It really is "both/and"! 

It really is a lesson. To know what is best for me, I have to be in touch with and connected to me.  My encouragement to us all this week, is to connect with ourselves as much as possible.  What are ways that you connect with yourself?  How do you take know what you need?  How do you know who you are?  Be willing to ask questions and to connect with yourself in order to answer them.  It is only when we connect with self that we become aware of who we are, what we feel and what we need.

Have a great week ladies.

**Also, could you all come to group about 10 or 15 minutes early to sign something for Cathy. Thank you!**

Fox News Rising

For those of you who haven't seen this yet, the H.O.P.E. Program was featured on Fox News Rising yesterday on their morning show.  Here is the link for the show

http://www.foxcharlotte.com/dpp/rising/annas_korner/Fit_Right_Now_An_Inspirational_Story_of_Weight_Loss

Have a great week ladies!

H.O.P.E. Highlight

I was watching a show on Discovery channel about the terrible incident in 1989 where the Exxon Valdez oil tanker ran aground and spilled over 10 million gallons of unrefined Alaskan crude oil into Prince William Sound, causing the largest oil spill in North American history.  Even now the consequences of that spill can be seen and measured in many ways.  One of the things that grieved my spirit the most about that whole thing was the impact to animal life in a 1200 mile radius.  I bet many of you still remember the pictures of volunteers holding the poor, almost lifeless birds covered, completely covered, in that oil.  The volunteers used Dawn dishwashing liquid to painstakingly wash each feather, each beak, each foot of each bird they worked with.  The birds would have died like so many others did had they not been cleaned of that oil. They could not walk because of the oil, they could not breathe well because of the oil.  They absolutely could not fly, because of the oil.  They could not eat, because of the oil.  Everything they needed to do to live, they simply could not do because of that thick, smelly, slippery, life choking oil!

Does that familiar to anyone??  That is the picture of shame.  Dark, black, smelly, consuming shame.  It covers ever single part of those who have not been cleaned of it.  Everything we need to do in a healthy way as a human-being, we can not do because of shame.  Just like the volunteers had to painstakingly wash every feather clean of that oil, we too need to be painstaking about cleaning the shame out of our lives.  It impacts the journey of lifestyle change more than any other thing I know.  Shame is life choking, just like the oil.  It is dark, just like the oil.  It causes us to slip, just like the oil did to the birds.  There is NOTHING good or healthy about shame.  I also believe that shame is why we yo-yo diet so often.  We can loose all the weight in the world, but if we still have shame deeply rooted in our lives, we will certainly gain it back again.

Here are a few clues that will let you know if you have shame deeply rooted in your life.
     *You say I'm sorry as a common response to just about anything
     *You often punish yourself for perceived wrongdoing
     *Your self talk or internal dialogue is negative and unhealthy most of the time
     *You believe most everything is your fault.
     *You say "I should have ________"(you fill in the blank) most of the time
     *You are sure that others are thinking "bad" things about you

OK, OK, you get the picture.  Now the question becomes how in the world do we begin to break or challenge the shame in our lives.  Great question.  Now, what's the answer??  This is where I am going to pass it on to you guys.  I know that shame is "cleaned" off of us one feather at a time.  What does that mean to you?  How have you actually "cleaned a feather" and challenged shame in your life?  Can you share some ways that you think are helpful in identifying or challenging shame in our life?  How can we walk out of it?  I would also love to hear from some of you on the bigger spiritual answer to the question of shame. 

Have a great rest of the week end and I'll see you next week!

Tiny Tidbits

Well it's another wonderful rainy day with much of the same in the forecast the whole week end. It will be a great time to work on the household things I put off until a rainy day!  I mentioned in group this week that I was going to blog about a topic that a group member brought up and has struggled with recently.  What do we do when we are just sick of the journey of lifestyle change, tired of the day in and day out of eating healthy most of the time, weary of working out 3 days a week and just flat sick of having to "be" on this journey.  The questions then become why do we get in that place, is there any benefit to being in that place and most importantly, what can we do to walk out of that place.  This also ties into the question we have talked about over the last few weeks whether we can become completely free of emotional or compulsive overeating or do we learn to negotiate the journey for life.  I would like to ask for your help this week in answering these questions.  Even if you have no answers, I would like to hear your thoughts about these three questions.

*  WHY do we get so sick, tired and weary of this journey?

*  IS THERE any benefit to being in that place?

*  WHAT can we do to walk out of that place?

Although we touched on a few of these questions in group, I think there is such benefit in pondering them in ernest for clarification's sake.  Understanding how we get there and understanding how we get out is fairly important considering this journey is a lifelong journey. 

Thank you for keeping this conversation going.  You truly are the smartest people I know!!  Stay dry and I'll see you next week.

Julie's Journal

Well as you probably all know by now, there are some changes under way in the H.O.P.E. Program.  Cathy Lewis, who has been the group therapist and co-facilitator for over 5 years, is leaving.  I want to take this opportunity to thank her personally for her role in H.O.P.E. and for the years of service she committed to this program.  While change is never easy, and may not feel comfortable, it is an opportunity for growth for all parties involved.   It is my deep prayer that Cathy finds everything she is looking for in life.  I know that God will bless her abundantly and I look forward to a continuing professional relationship in the future.  I am just as fully convinced that God will provide the right therapist, who is a perfect fit with us, to take us into the next several years. 
I wanted to allow folks the opportunity to tell Cathy what she has meant to you personally, and to this program.  Please post your comments this week with that goal in mind.  Let's take the time to share with our fellow group member, our co-facilitator and our friend just what she means to us. 

Be mindful to feel what you need to feel about this upcoming change. If you need more information or just want to talk about it, I am always available for you ladies, always.  Thanks everyone, and have a great weekend.  Get your sled out, it looks like snow!!

Practical Ponderings

One of the friends I work with at the Y, Sarah Jane, was sharing this funny story with me yesterday.  She was telling me how she went to meet her then boyfriend, now husband's family, for the first time.  She was excited and nervous as anyone would be.  They had a swimming pool in the back yard and her boyfriend and siblings decided to have some contests in the pool.  One contest was to see who could swim across the pool under water the fastest. Well Sarh Jane thought "I have this in the bag, and they will all be so impressed with me.  She was a swimmer all her life, had been in many swim competitions and couldn't wait to take them on.  She had her contacts in, so just wanted to be sure and remember not to open her eyes and loose a contact.  One you mark, get set, go!  The race began, everyone swimming there hearts out, Sarah Jane's eyes tightly closed, then WHAM!!!  She hit the cement wall, full force, with no hands in front of her to block it.  They pulled her out of the water to administer first aid to her. To hear her tell the story, it was pretty funny and she was not hurt too bad. . . except for her ego! 


That story made me think of our journey of lifestyle change so much.  Many of us are so prepared for this journey, we know what and how to eat, we know about fitness, we know about feelings and so on and so forth.  The only problem is that we walking with our eyes covered!   Our eyes are covered by wounds from our past.  They are covered by false beliefs that were peddled to us as children.  Our eyes are darkened by shame messages that come from a myriad of places.  Our eyes are even dimmed because we hold our own hands up and cover them.  We can have an incredible amount of "knowledge" about lifestyle change and still find it hard to see the path we would like to be on. 

Are you struggling with consistency on your journey?  Could it be that you are having trouble seeing the path?  Can you identify anything in your life that is darkening your view on this journey of lifestyle change?   What can you begin to remove that could increase your visibility.  Do you need help removing something from your eyes?  The above story highlights so clearly that although we can be prepared and skilled and ready, we must be able to somewhat see the direction we want to go!

Have a wonderful week ladies!     

Contest Winners Announced!

Ok, don't have a heart attack because you are getting two post in one week!  The odds of that happening again are fairly low!  This post is to announce the H.O.P.E. Tshirt Contest winners.  We had a contest that allowed folks to send in the Tshirt color, writing color and the quote that would appear on the back of the shirt.  I am happy to say that we have two first prize winners and one 2nd place winner! 

First Prize Winners

Kelly Bullock

and

Yarby Williams

Second Prize Winner

Julie Hallman

All three will receive their Tshirt free and Kelly and Yarby will also receive the first prize for their efforts.  Great job to all who entered the contest.  Tshirts will be out in the Spring and you can see the new design.  Thanks for your help in deciding what we will wear on our backs this year!  Have a great weekend!

H.O.P.E. Highlight

Happy New Year everyone!  OK, OK, I know, it's a day late and a dollar short. . .  . make that two or three dollars short!!  Last week was a challenging week for me in many ways and I couldn't get the Blog post out.  The good news is, that I don't live in that crazy "all or nothing"-ville anymore.  Every now and again I may go there for a very short visit, but I definitely don't live there!!  All or nothing-ville for me simply means living in a place of compulsive behaviors.  I can hear me now in the old days, "I didn't Blog on time, so I will not Blog anymore, ever, at all, ever.  Or maybe even this, "I will Blog every day since I missed a Blog post last week, maybe even twice a day".  Scary, isn't it??  Those are the old, unhealthy behaviors that I choose not to engage in, so here is the post!

This topic seems to keep coming up, and there are a couple of differing views on it.  I am most eager to hear what you think about this.  Someone in group recently asked this question again, and it tends to come up at least a couple of times a year; "when can I expect food to be a non-issue?"  That's the way it was worded this time, but another way of asking the same question might be "When am I done with this journey of lifestyle change, is it after I loose all my weight?"

I do not believe food can become a non-issue because it's not about the food!  Its just not.  It's about learning to feel our feelings and get connected with ourselves while learning and practicing healthy personal and relationship behaviors. While I do believe that we can learn to negotiate lifestyle change and food issues in a way that they no longer completely control our lives, I do not believe that food can ever become a non-issue.  That would imply we could get passed it or totally free from it.  I don't know about ya'll, but I am a professing Christian, born again, saved by grace, sold out to Christ, and I still do not believe food is a non-issue for me.  What I do know is that I can choose to live out of the flesh and give-in to my desire for unhealthy emotional overeating or I can live out of the Spirit, decide to feel my feelings just as it was intended by our Creator, and make healthier choices   Either way. . .   .the choice is mine.  Bottom line, the choice is mine.  As soon as I believe that I am totally free of any fleshly desires, I am setting myself up to fall on my hind end, and believe me, I have choosen to do that more than once on this journey.  I have though, learned to negotiate the journey in a way, that I have not gained my way back to 422 pounds.  The journey IS my goal as KT would say.  The choice IS mine.  Learning as much as I can about nutrition and fitness is my choice.  Trusting God to strengthen me on my journey is what I have chosen.  I have also chosen to recognize that my flesh is not a good thing for me to listen to, but the Spirit of God is!

Do I think I'm still ensnared completely by unhealthy eating behaviors and a lack of fitness?. . .  NO!  Do I think I am passed it, or that food is a non-issue? . . . . NO!  Have I personally recognized that it's not about the food? . . . YES!   Do I believe that I have all  I need to make far more healthier choices than not, regarding food and fitness? .  .  .Absolutely!!  That's the best news of all! 

I would love to hear other perspectives regarding this issue.   Remember, you are the smartest people I know!!! 

Julie's Journal

Merry Christmas to everyone!  In the last post, we were talking about the concept that where light is, there simply can be no darkness.  In other words .  .  .  light dispels darkness.    As we have talked about in group many times, this universal  truth states that darkness and light cannot exist in the same space, at the same time.  Another universal biblical truth that does not change and we know that we CAN count on is  .   .   .  truth dispels lies.   Recently someone asked me about emotions, and why I think our lives should be ruled by feelings.  I quickly responded that I absolutely do not believe that we should live being ruled by feelings, but that we also cannot live as if we have no emotions at all!  There is a serious flaw to living a life ruled by feelings.  What if I felt shameful most of the time.  Could you imagine what my behavior would look like if I were fueled by shame?? Yikes!  What if I were afraid most of the time?  Can you picture decisions motivated by fear?  What if I were fueled by pure pride.  Those behaviors might be the scariest of all!  Ha!! 

But as most of us know, and most of us have experienced personally, there is just as serious a flaw to living one's life without emotions, by trying to numb them or stuff them completely.  As most of us know by now, it simply does not work!  It does not give us the life we desire.  More importantly, it does not relieve the pain we are running from.   There is a way to walk in both truth and light!  As we begin to "feel" again, we must be willing to make sure our backdrop is truth.  It would be very difficult for me to walk in shame if I believe the truth that "there is NO condemnation in Christ Jesus".  It would be very  hard for me to behave as a  woman frozen by fear if I truly believe that "God is always with me".  It would be difficult for me to completely ignore my physical needs of nutrition and fitness if I believe that I am "worthy" and "indwelled by the Holy Spirit just because He created me.  Do you see how the backdrop of Truth can begin to dispel the lies we may operate under?  There are so many examples I could use.  Can you think of some examples in your own life?  The other thing that is important to remember is that you must decide or choose what  "Truth" is for your own life.  Once you begin to clarify YOUR truth in your own life, you can begin to root out the lies that are motivating unhealthy behaviors! Clarifying one's own truth is a lifelong process that can be constantly evolving. 

Lasting lifestyle change, is a journey worth investing the time and effort it takes to walk in health and wellness, of spirit, mind, body and emotions!!  As we look to the New Year, and all of the possibilities that it holds, let's be willing to look for Truth and Light, wherever it may be found, knowing that there will be some difficult encounters with Darkness and Lies.  You will have support as you traverse this terrain.  God bless each and every one of you, and may some Truth be revealed to you as we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, Who embodies Truth to the fullest!

H.O.P.E. Highlight

As I have been driving around the city, I have noticed that their are still some folks left who put up Christmas lights all over their front doors, shutters, trees and bushes.  I began to think about how the homes with lights were illuminated and stood out brightly above the other homes on the block without the lights, especially at night.  The same way the star over the manger in Bethlehem shone brighter than all the others because it was meant to illuminate the site of the Lord's birth.  During this season, we celebrate the birth of Jesus, Who is the light of the world.  Those of us who are belivers in Christ are also called to carry out that mission and be a light on a hill, salt and light in a dark world.  I was thinking about how this really does relate to our journey of lifestyle change.  When we truly began to walk out our journey with consistency and perseverence, others begin to notice.  We become hope to others who have not quite begun the journey yet.  We inspire others to take a chance and begin their journey of lifestyle change.  We are the light to those who still feel like they are in a dark place and need hope on this journey.  It's amazing how it works that way. 

During this season, if you need some light to illuminate your path on lifestyle change, then look to those who have had some success at it.  If you have had some sucess at it, then shine brightly and lock arms with another who may just be beginning their journey.  Happy Holidays ladies!